I wrote that last article 1 1/2 years ago not knowing what I would ever do with it. During that time, I thought things were getting better. We were moving, Mike was going to open his own shop, and I seemed to be dealing with life better. But for Mike it wasn't good. He was here on the weekends and then somewhat isolated in Redmond during the week. It seemed nothing over there was getting accomplished. The house we were going to sell still needed lots of work.
What I didn't know was that Mike took himself off of his Paxil, a dangerous thing to do. "In clinical studies, antidepressants increased the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior. Anyone considering the use of Paxil or any other antidepressant must balance this risk with the clinical need." (www.helpguide.org) Going off of it without doctor supervision is just plain crazy. I realized something was wrong about 5 months after he went off it. He would snap at us, something he had never done before. He just got agitated easily. When I confronted him about it and asked him if he was depressed he denied it for awhile, but finally he told me everything. I encouraged him to go see a doctor.
For Mike it was easy to hid his disease. He also was a type one diabetic. Whenever he wasn't feeling well, he would blame it on the diabetes. Family, friends and even doctors bought into it. But I didn't and close friends knew it.
1 comment:
I have to tell you how proud I am of you doing this blog! I think this is going to be a great way for you to put your feelings down in a free form way, with no judgements etc. This is YOUR journal and I feel priveleged to be on the read list. I am also so glad that you posted the letter you wrote in 2007, maybe it will be a catalyst for others in your situation, there are so many, and a support group can form. Are there really no other support groups out there for caregivers of those with depression? Because there should be!
I want you to know that I will always be here for you, no matter what!
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