Sunday, September 14, 2008

Arriving in Redmond

I think it was about 7am when we finally arrived in Redmond. Some things are kind of a blur. I know my good friend Patty was there waiting. It wasn't long before we were surrounded by many more good friends that stopped by. The house was cold. Mike thought out almost everything. Knowing it would be hot Monday, he put fans in the bedroom. I guess he thought Rachel and I would find him Tuesday when we came for her orthodontist appointment.
There were piles in the living room with names and notes on what to do with the stuff. There was a list of people to contact about work he didn't finish. One note said, "I have had this persons car for a year. Its status is a perfect example of the cascading domino effect that weeks here and there of illness due to depression have had on me." Another note said, "Some may say that I am the victim of my own mismanagement. I believe I am the victim of brain disease (mental illness). Either way, the result is still pure hell." Mike always felt that depression was one of the plagues of the last days. The five page letter he left for us was hard to read. I may post parts of it if I think it could help someone else out there.
I went upstairs to the bedroom alone but Jeffrey followed close behind. Although Mike had been taken away hours before, his pillow was still there with body fluids on it. I told Jeffrey to dispose of it before the girls saw it. Overdosing on insulin is not an easy, peaceful, fall asleep and never wake up kind of thing. (I only bring up the pillow because it comes back into the story later)
I think we were all walking around the house numb. Several friends were there helping us in so many ways. I think everyone was still in shock.
When the Bishop of our Redmond church arrived, I only had one question. What does this do to Mike's eternal salvation knowing that he took his own life? Our Bishop was wonderful, he basically told me that due to the mental illness, Mike was not in control of all of his thoughts. He wasn't thinking clearly. He will be judged by Christ for the life he lived and the knowledge he had. Christ knows Mike's heart and mind. I believe the atonement of Christ will take care of the rest. This all gave me hope but I was still plagued with so many other questions.

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