The funeral was beautiful. The music was moving and touched my soul. The speakers, one being our son Jeffrey, did a really good job comforting all of us present. It was perfect, for a funeral. There were so many people there. It was great to be surrounded by family. They were a great support. A few days later we had a grave side service over in Mose Lake. About 25 people showed up there. Mike was a very loved man. That is what makes his passing so hard to understand.
After a week all the questions started coming up. I call them the 'what ifs.' I didn't like dead time. I didn't want to think. Thinking made we wonder what if.... What if I was more caring, loving, understanding. What if I we went over to Redmond a day earlier, what if the therapist had called me, what if I had been more in tune to his mood, what if I would have sent someone over earlier. But it is too late for "what if." Lots of people have asked me if I was angry. I don't feel angry. I feel lost, alone, frustrated, overwhelmed and shut out of his life. One day they are here and the next day they are not. But you keep thinking they will walk through the door any minute.
4 comments:
Dear Grace:
We only just heard of the passing of Michael. We were shocked and saddened to hear it. He was one of our favorites. A sea of memories has washed over us remembering all the experiences we shared together. We never had anyone who did a better job working in the office in our days in Korea than our Elder Chumley. He was constantly getting us and the missionaries straightened out on financial matters. Beyond that, he was a pleasant and enjoyable person to have around and associate with. When it finally came time to transfer him out of the office, though good for him, it was hard to do on our part. We are happy that we have had some time to share together since those days.
We know that he has gone on to a reward reserved for the faithful and we trust that you have been comforted by the Lord's Spirit. It is at times like these that we learn why he is called the Comforter.
Please accept our heartfelt condolences and express the same to your children.
Sister Chumley,
I am so sad to hear the news of Elder Chumley's passing. I remember very well his calm and gentle manner. He was a very, very nice man and a great soul. I met him first when he was serving as the finance elder in the mission home. It always made me feel calm to "cash" my check with Chumley. Please accept my condlences and prayers for you.
Grace, once again I just want to give you a huge hug. But I'm half a country away now :-(. So I'm sending it your way. Know that you and the entire family remain in my thoughts.
All my love,
Emily
Grace, Hello from Elinor - Linda's Mom. Sorry to be annonymous but my system won't let me in at present. I linked into your blog from Marie's. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We have had a grandson with us since last December who deals with many problems - ADD, Depression, Bi-Polar, and on and on. He's 19, dropped out of school because he doesn't learn in the traditional way so has no education that counts towards a diploma. He was on suicide watch when he came and we have dealt with it from a gospel standpoint that this life doesn't end when the spirit leaves the body and the pain doesn't end. It helps but comes and goes and we always take him serious, even while telling him this is no answer. He is on medication, but has sought to solve his problems with illegal substances, which means he now deals with the justice system. We have all had an education we didn't want, but now are making huge progress thanks to a referral to Valley Mental Health in SLC. They have taken custody of his case, provided classes at little or no charge, interviews, assessments, and many things of a positive nature. We're not done yet but we all see hope and it is so encouraging to know this doesn't have to be a solo project. Mike's death has been a for real example we have been able to use, so it isn't all in vain. Thanks Mike. Thanks Grace, and thanks for the love for and from Ethan. You are in our prayers.
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