I cannot believe the love and kindness that was show to our family over the next week. We were put up in homes where the owners were on vacation. We had meals brought to us. People were truly crushed as they heard the news of Mike's passing and then they showed us a great out pouring of love. I learned stories of how Mike helped people whenever the opportunity arose. He even touched many lives in our new hometown just after being here under a year. Sometimes we don't realize what we have until we don't have it anymore.
The funeral was beautiful. The music was moving and touched my soul. The speakers, one being our son Jeffrey, did a really good job comforting all of us present. It was perfect, for a funeral. There were so many people there. It was great to be surrounded by family. They were a great support. A few days later we had a grave side service over in Mose Lake. About 25 people showed up there. Mike was a very loved man. That is what makes his passing so hard to understand.
After a week all the questions started coming up. I call them the 'what ifs.' I didn't like dead time. I didn't want to think. Thinking made we wonder what if.... What if I was more caring, loving, understanding. What if I we went over to Redmond a day earlier, what if the therapist had called me, what if I had been more in tune to his mood, what if I would have sent someone over earlier. But it is too late for "what if." Lots of people have asked me if I was angry. I don't feel angry. I feel lost, alone, frustrated, overwhelmed and shut out of his life. One day they are here and the next day they are not. But you keep thinking they will walk through the door any minute.