It was about 2:45am when I woke up to see Marie standing over me. She sat down on the bed and said she needed a hug and started crying. I gave her a hug and asked her what was wrong. She proceeded to tell me that she was trying to pray, really pray for and about other people. Then her thoughts turned to her dad and she missed him. She felt bad for all the tough times they had with each other. She could never say she was sorry now. Marie started telling me about the good times like when we would all play 'hide and go seek' in the house with all the lights out. Or when Mike felt bad for missing her Portland wedding reception because he was putting the finishing touches on a car he rebuilt for them. Mike and Marie often had a difficult relationship, but she was now remembering some of the good and missing it.
In Mike's letter these are a few of the words he left for Marie. "Marie, I hope you have a happy life in spite of the father your were cursed with. I have no doubt that you have inherited your form of depression from me. Grace, please see that Marie gets the best mental health care that she needs. I am so very sorry. I hope you will never have to go down into the depths of hell to which I have plunged. Be the best mother you can be to Ethan. I love you."
The difficulty Mike's death has been to our children has been painful for me to see. I am glad Marie is remembering some of the good and that the bad is fading. Life is way to short to spend thinking about all the negative things. Marriage is a difficult full time job, but I would never change the past 27 years our family spent together. There was a lot of laughter, fun trips, and spiritual moments mixed in with the hard times. Let's remember the good times. Now that I think about it, the bad really wasn't as bad as I once thought...
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Now that I think about it, the bad really wasn't as bad as I once thought...
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