Thursday, July 2, 2009

One More Hard Day Coming Up

I was right. My mind played last year over twice. First on Monday and Tuesday because those were the days of the week last year. I kept thinking about what was happening and when and how we were discovering Mike's death. It was almost surreal. Then again on Tuesday and Wednesday it played out because it was the actually dates of things. Sounds weird but Jeffrey said he kind of did the same thing. The first time it was more methodical. The second time it was more sad and there were more tears.
Rachel was off at a summer camp and spent an hour Tuesday night crying in her room with her roommate. I am thankful she had a friend with her. Marie decided to make it her own personal "Depression Awareness Day." Jeffrey and I talked and just had everything run through our heads over and over again. I think I shed more tears hearing about how hard it was for them then I did for myself. Let's hope the 5th isn't a replay of the funeral day.
I actually spent a lot of the day doing yard work, which I hate and Mike loved. So I guess I was still trying to please him and make the yard look good. Strange. I still think about him, us, our family a lot. I suppose I always will, but I am so ready to move on. I would love to find someone who has all Mike's good qualities like patience, kindness, integrity, honesty, and a good work ethic. I would also like to add the qualities I always felt were missing. I would love to have someone who would dote over me, hold me, and love me for who I was no matter what. Someone who isn't afraid to say, "I love you," instead of assuming I could tell by the things he did. Maybe I am unrealistic and asking for the moon, but I want to feel passionately loved next time around. What they heck, don't we all deserve the best for a little while in this life?

2 comments:

Janice said...

I never knew Mike, but I looked up to you growing up and know you enough to know he must have been "good". Life has been hard, but it's been good. If there is a next time around, make sure you don't settle for less than that dream you just uttered:) you deserve it!

Super Angie Waibel Miske said...

Grace, you are so awesome. Think of how far you have come this year. You have been so strong and you have done so many things on your own, maybe some of them for the first time. You have helped a lot of people and blessed a lot of lives. The entire Waibel family is on your side.