Opportunities to Teach

I am amazed how opportunities still come my way to use our family's trials to teach and help others. In July, I was given the opportunity to teach a lesson to the women of our church congregation. The topic "Finding Joy in the Journey." Before talking about joy I talked about depression and how hard it is for some to find joy.

Of course I was prompted by the lessons learned through my experiences with my late husband Mike. I printed a list of places people can go for help and wonderful resources. I had a handout on the 9 basic types of depression and some of their sub types. Of course being the teacher, I learned the most. I wasn't quite ready for the positive responses I received over the three weeks after the lesson.

I have learned that sharing our personal hardships, help us to see each other as the humans we are. We tend to think everyone is perfect while we struggle and that is not the case. I am glad that I was guided to say the things that these women needed to hear. Even more surprising to me was being asked to share the lesson again but this time with the men of our congregation.

I feel strongly about keeping the men and women separate because they might open up more and ask questions with less hesitation. Eventually a mixed group would be the next step. I am so glad that our church is talking more about depression. My late husband said it would be a plague of the last days that would affect the righteous as well as the wicked. Eight years ago before his death it was still a secret killer that no one really liked to talk about.

So today I taught the men. I started by sharing the wonderful and normal things about Mike. Then I talked about his secret dark side that was sometimes even hard for me to deal with. One in four suffer from some type of mental illness. That meant that out of the 50+ men there at least 1/4 dealt with or will deal with depression themselves or within their family. This will touch all of us. Different types of depression need different things. Some just need talk therapy and some types need medications. Men, don't be afraid to ask for help and keep a loving eye out for your spouses too.

One of the men asked, "if your husband was always praying, serving, and reading his scriptures plus getting the medical help he needed, what else could you have done to save him?"  Good question. So here are some tools that might help:

• Eat healthy and less sugar
• Exercise daily and that means a good hard aerobic heart elevating exercise at least 5 times a week
• Spend some time outdoors in the fresh air
• Try and go to bed at normal times and get a good nights sleep
• Deep breathing and meditation
• Spend time with family, don't go into isolation

My oldest daughter who suffers from depression wrote this:

"Make a working list of little things that bring a smile to your face. Little things that warm your heart. I say working list because it will change over time. My list started with a hot cocoa and pumpkin scone from Starbucks. It also included specific songs and little interactions with my son. Over time I realized the most important thing to me in life, as well as the thing that brings me the most happiness and joy, is family. 

I encourage all of us to look inside ourselves and ask, what are some things that make me smile? What are some things that bring me joy? It doesn't matter how small or big they are. Write them down and the next time your're feeling down take that list out and try one or two of those things. One of my all-time favorite quotes from Gordon B. Hinckley says, "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

Next post: a list of helpful articles and places to go to for help.

World Hopecast Interview Link

I had the awesome opportunity to be one of the guests on the World Hope Cast back in March. It was an amazing experience. They broke the world record for the longest continuous podcast. All the speakers were fabulous and brought hope into the world. He you would like to hear my interview, it is at the link below.

World Hopecast - Speaker Grace-Chumley

Intentional Teaching

As a teacher, I have been thinking a lot lately about what I taught my own children. Did I ever intentionally teach them something? Or did they learn from my actions which could have been good or bad? Did I assume they would just know something without ever giving them the information to learn? There are times I wish I could go back and do a better job at raising my children. They are wonderful, but I can’t take a lot of the credit for that.

When our children where from 3-5, I did a preschool program with them called Joy School. Joy School is a program started by Richard and Linda Eyre that gives you the information to teach lessons on the joy of service, the joy of creativity, the joy of spontaneous delight, the joy of trust, etc. There are a few things that I know I intentionally taught my children due to Joy School or because they were important enough in my mind to cover like my lesson on respecting personal property. (Ask me about that sometime. It was effective!)

There are also many things I did not teach well. Take the handling of money for example. It was common in our family to use phrases like ‘money burns a whole in your pocket’ or ‘we can’t afford that.’ Unfortunately we said those instead of teaching our children to make a plan of how to earn and save money so they could obtain something.  Another example of this would be gathering the family to make plans for a vacation and then shooting down the ideas because they cost too much. This teaches children a negative attitude toward money. I know for us as parents, we sometimes would have disagreements about money or have problems with the checkbook that were minor but appeared to be major to the listening child.

We may want our children to be reverent in church and expect it from them, but have we taught them what that looks like? Are we playing on our iPhone but expecting them to be quiet? I had a friend that taught her children by having reverent time at home. They would sit on a chair to see how long they could be quiet. The young ones started out with 10 seconds but got excited to try and go longer and do as well as their older siblings. When they went to church they knew what it felt like to sit reverently. If you give a child a car, to keep them 'quiet' at church, they will want to make varooom sounds, they are kids! 

Are we teaching values like kindness and sharing? Or do we wait until a fight breaks out? Are we teaching them how gossip hurts and lying just makes issues worse? Or do we wait until something happens then say ‘you are in trouble now for lying!’  Being a parent is hard work and not everything works with every child. Consistency is important.

It is also really important to look for teaching moments throughout the day, but it is also just as important to intentionally teach your children the things you feel will give them a great foundation. Don’t leave that to society, church, or schools or they may not turn out the way you planned. This applies to chores too. My mother would ask us to dust. I did what I thought was dusting and she would scold me and then do it herself. She was a great mom but never showed me how to dust. She never showed me how to cook either!  I was one of those kids that needed to be shown more than once, but she assumed I knew from watching her.  

Pick 10 concepts this year that you feel you want your children to really understand. Then take one a month and work on it with them. Find examples to point out, stories to read, and talk about the subject over dinner. Ask for examples your children saw during their day. Reinforce their behavior when they work on the concept.  

Intentionally teach; don’t just expect children to know something.

Come Check Out My New Blog "The Happiness Choice"

I need followers on my new site! If you followed me here, check out the new site and follow it. I try and get a few posts up a month on learning to make healthy, happy choices in eating, exercise, and life. I will be sharing some of the new recipes I am trying and other fun things. Check it out:

http://chosinghappiness.blogspot.com/  (and yes it say chosing not choosing because that was all I could get.)

Also check out and share my daughter's blog on her journey with infertility and now having twins!

http://littleivielane.blogspot.com/

Check Out My New Blog!

I don't write on here much anymore because, well we are surviving well. I made the big move to Utah from Washington to be closer to my married kids and grandchildren. It was the best move I have made. I am working in the local school district now as a substitute and that has been a great blessing.

I get to see my two grandsons a lot! One is currently living with me. The other is 25 minutes away. To top it off, my youngest daughter announced she was having twins in November! You can read all about her journey on her blog about her battles with infertility. There is also a great video of how they told me. It has over 2000 hits on YouTube! Check out her site:

http://littleivielane.blogspot.com/

My new site is about learning to make healthy, happy choices in eating, exercise, and life. I will be sharing some of the new recipes I am trying and other fun things. Check it out:

http://chosinghappiness.blogspot.com/

Thanks for following me on my past journey and I hope to see you on my new one at "The Happiness Choice."

One Person's Example Can Last A Lifetime

Have you ever known someone who had an impact on your life in so many ways that you are still realizing it? My father was one of those people. He lived through the depression as a kid often eating just milk and flour, he was beaten by his father and he left home as a young teenager. His only son died after a few hours of life and then his first wife, Carol, left him. Before dad could get all of his stuff from her, Carol's father used my dad's gun to kill himself. In WWII, my dad found himself in a military hospital where an unnecessary surgery was preformed on him causing him to lose one of his lungs. He was considered 80% disabled after that.

He had several things happen in his life that he could have chosen to be bitter and angry about. But I never saw that. He was a quiet, calm, happy person. Most of the above events I didn’t even hear about until after he died. He chose not to dwell on them. It was his sister that told me a lot about his hard life.

When I was in junior high and high school, I ran for different offices & cheerleader. I lost for 4 years straight before I won anything.  My dad was the one who taught me to keep trying, to never give up, and be happy for the winner.  He always told me I could do anything, and I believed him. He spent time with me building remote control boats, riding dirt bikes, going on motorcycle poker runs and teaching me to fix things.

All the little things in life that he helped me work through made a huge difference on how I handle all the big things that happen as an adult. When I was faced with the hard times, I worked though them because of what my dad taught me and because of his example. He was a man who easily could have been angry but chose to be happy. It wasn’t until last week that I realized I am who I am because of his example. I choose happiness at difficult times because he taught me to. I owe my dad a lot. Thanks dad, I miss you.

Dedicated to Keith Howard Christophersen 

May 9, 1919 to Nov 9, 1982 

Bad Day = Change Attitude

I try to teach people to smile and find happiness in whatever life throws at them.  Lately several people have alluded to the fact that they think I do not understand what is thrown at them or that I never have a bad day. Today was one of those days everything went wrong, and I just wanted to cry and give up. That is still one of my choices. 

I went to check on my pump for my sprinkler system. A company has been working on it for 1 1/2 years and it keeps breaking down. Well, they still have not fixed it. You can tell they come and look at it, but it is still torn apart. Then my one-year-old riding lawnmower broke down as I started to mow the yard.  It is no longer under warranty. I am leaving next week for the summer and I am trying to get everything ready for the new occupant of my home. 

I sat on the ground by the lawnmower and wanted to cry. I am tired of always having to do this on my own.  I looked at the mower and felt helpless. Then I thought about what I teach. Smile; find the lesson. At first, I did not want to. I wanted to cry. For some reason I thought of my dad. He always taught me I could do anything. He was always my biggest fan.  Having all daughters, he taught me to fix stereos, work on my car, build remote control boats, and ride a motorcycle.  I think he was the biggest influence on me having a positive attitude. He had been through so much throughout his life and I never heard him complain.  

I got the tools, checked closely how the lawnmower was built, tore apart what needed fixed and fixed it and put it back together. The good news is it worked and I was able to mow the lawn. Some days it is very lonely here but I still have control over how I am going to deal with it. I started out feeling sorry for myself and wanting to cry, I ended up reminiscing about my dad and finding the confidence to go on.

I will still teach that we have the power to decide how we will react. Sometimes, like today, it just takes longer to react in the positive way. I never said I was perfect. It takes a lifetime to sculpt yourself into the person you really want to be.

90/10 Rule

"10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react." Stephen R Covey

I really like this theory. I believe it is pretty accurate too. Trying to teach this principle to others is a bit hard. I wish I could have done better at teaching my kids this concept. My life has been so much more pleasant after I learned to believe this. I don't get angry easily, I can roll with the punches better and I am happier due to it. Doesn't mean I don't have down or bad days.

Yesterday was one of those days I just wanted to cry. Don't really know why. A song would come on, or memories would surface, and I would just feel lonely. It doesn't help that Rachel is gone from 6:45am to 9:30pm almost everyday this week! So I sat home alone all afternoon and evening. Since today would be similar, I did something different and pulled out the genealogy to work on. It is a good distraction and hobby of mine. It was a little tough when I tackled putting in Mike's death info.

It also gets tough trying to deal with all this stuff I have never had to deal with. Health insurance, mortgages, bills, IRS, selling a house. Crazy! I messed up when my COBRA ended and didn't get our new health insurance by the deadline so we are uninsured for April. SCARY. I need lots of prayers for the Redmond house to sell. If I drop the price again, I will get nothing out of it. So, I take all these mind boggling things and I get to decide how I am going to react.
Today, I choose to move forward with a smile but an occasional tear is still alright.