Come Check Out My New Blog "The Happiness Choice"

I need followers on my new site! If you followed me here, check out the new site and follow it. I try and get a few posts up a month on learning to make healthy, happy choices in eating, exercise, and life. I will be sharing some of the new recipes I am trying and other fun things. Check it out:

http://chosinghappiness.blogspot.com/  (and yes it say chosing not choosing because that was all I could get.)

Also check out and share my daughter's blog on her journey with infertility and now having twins!

http://littleivielane.blogspot.com/

It Will Not Happen In My Family Again!

Things I have learned:

• I will not allow the disease of depression to take another family member without putting up a major fight.
• No one has ever been in the exact situation I am in so thanks for the advice, but honestly you don't know what is best, I do. I do appreciate suggestions, advice, talking and stuff, but I don't have to follow it. Right now I am in control, I do know what I am doing, and I am thinking clearly and in the best interest of my family.
  
• No doctor is going to shut me down and not listen. I proved that this weekend and they actually thanked me after they listened. They could also tell that I knew what I was talking about and that I am capable of dealing with the current situation.
  

Having said all that, I better explain where those comments are coming from. My daughter Marie also suffers from depression. Although hers is very different from my husband, it is also the same. Where Mike would surround himself with positive things, service and good music, Marie has always surrounded herself with depressing music and negative things.

Her medicine was changed in September and never worked. So she was hitting a major low. I talked her into going back to her doctor last week and he gave her a new prescription but she never filled it. I called her most mornings to make sure she was up and taking care of Ethan. Her life revolves around Ethan right now so she was doing the best she could. I bought the house she lives in and made sure Jeffrey moved in downstairs to keep tabs on things when Chris is gone. I have had a plan from the day Marie moved to Utah.
Jeffrey came home Saturday night to find Marie unconscious on the kitchen floor from taking too many sleeping pills. She did not want to die; she just wanted to sleep away the pain. Now some people may say, "what was she thinking." May I correct you, she wasn't thinking. If I have learned one thing about this disease, it keeps the mind captive from thinking. Consequences of your actions is not part of their thought process. The pain she was talking about was not physical it is mental and when your meds are not working you cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Jeffrey called 911 and Marie was taken to the hospital. This was my first encounter with doctors because Marie wasn't conscious to sign a form allowing information to be released to me. They did finally listen to my information even though they couldn't give me info. Naturally it helped them. I had to deal with flights, Red Cross, getting info to her husband in Iraq, etc.
Marie is fine and stable and is being treated in a psychiatric ward. This is a good thing. I put Mike through hospitalization once and it was very helpful. I did a 24 hour flight there and home. I got to see her and she will pull though this. She feels ashamed and stupid, but like I said she was not thinking. I brought Ethan back with me so he can be taken care of. I have ALWAYS had a major problem with child protective services (what a joke) so I told Jeffrey that until I got there if anyone showed up they needed a search warrant to step in my house! So Ethan is with me and having fun. He loves it here with the big yard and dog. He gets to talk to his mommy by phone daily. When Marie is released, she will be living under my care. We will have a controlled environment for her. Part of that will be designed to teach her to take better care of herself and Ethan.
What I have learned from the last few years is that I have an amazing network of friends. I am thankful for all your prayers and love. I am thankful for those who thought for me when I was foggy. Thanks for the rides, packing, talking, food, prayers, and for being a part of my life.

Avoiding my blog....what is with that?

I have kind of been avoiding my blog and I am not sure why. Maybe I have nothing to say...wow. The rest of our holiday in Utah was a blast. I got to see a lot of wonderful people and think a lot about the 'good old days.' I especially enjoyed reminiscing with Rick; good times. Thanks for being you. I also can't believe how long Connie and I sat and talked! What good memories. I also had fun on what I could say was my first date as a widow. Details? No I'd like to keep that somewhat private for now.

The last of our stay we just visited with family. It was great to see Uncle Jack and Janene. Uncle Jack reminds me so much of my dad. I felt bad because I missed seeing my cousin due to my own stupidity. Just plan forgot to check my e-mail until it was too late. I loved playing with my grandson and I miss him tons and tons.

Anyway, we are back home and lots of fun things going on. Rachel got her braces off, received her license, and had a big late birthday bash with her friends. Now it is time to get back down to work. I spent some time cleaning out the garage, but I can only do so much then I need a break. Going through old stuff is hard. Sometimes I think I throw things away just to get the memories to move on. No news from the IRS. I guess that is good. No news on the sale of the Redmond house. I guess that is bad. If there is one thing anyone reading this could do for our family right now, I would say pray that the house in Redmond sells quickly before I have to drop the price again. If I have to drop the price of the house, I will not get out of it what I have had to put into it for selling. I just need to be free of it. Our family is going to pray and fast on Thursday, anyone is welcome to pray with us. I have had a lot of miracles this last year and I feel bad asking for another, but I need one more.

Taking a Break and Having Some Fun

Everyone needs to take a break and have some fun. It is spring break so Rachel and I are with the college kids enjoying some time together. Tonight we are going to see one of my high school buddies in a play at the Hale Theatre. Jeffrey is busy in college and really needed the break. Rachel went to his classes and lab yesterday and had a good time with him. She also did a college tour at another university and that was great. She is planning to go to his colleges BIG rival! So we have had a great time as a family.
I have also had the opportunity to see old friends from high school and more recent friends that moved from Washington. Today was lunch with the Baker's, yesterday was dinner with the Sells. We had a blast. At dinner, we stayed at the Olive Garden for 2 1/2 hours laughing and getting caught up. Right before we left, we apologized to our waiter for being there so long and for our loud laughter. He said it was great to see us so happy and that he loved my smile. He said I was smiling all night. Wow! That means so much to me. I really do work hard at smiling and trying to make the world a happier place. I suppose if I was going to be remembered for something, that would be a good thing. So smile everyone and enjoy each moment of life you have. I see every moment as a learning experience. We can make those learning experiences enhance our life or pull us down. Why not choose to enhance our lives and make the world a happier, better place.

True Friendship

I have some of the best friends ever. How do you repay such wonderful friends? If I name them all personally, I am sure I will forget someone. You all know who you are. One good friend didn't know how to help, so during the viewing and after the funeral, she stayed close by just handing me new tissues and taking the old ones and she keep giving me water. That meant the world to me. Many of my high school buddies have contacted me and offered true sympathy and concern for our family and it has been amazing. Church friends from years past, youth that I have worked with and families from my old job have all showed amazing concern and support.

My friend of 46 years, flew up to be with me and was shocked at the amount of help I was receiving. I am thankful for a church that really looks after it's people. I had friends and family sit and go through stacks and stacks of papers. Mail that hadn't been opened since 1992! It took days. Mike kept everything. He had two rooms in the house taken up by office space that was packed with stacks of papers. It was a mess to go through. Many friends spent hours going through Mikes business files, taking down wall paper, painting, cleaning, weeding, sorting car equipment, going on dump runs, bringing food and driving loads of stuff to the new house. It is a 2 hour drive that includes a ferry, so it is a big deal.

There were the friends that put us up in their homes and fed us. It took 5 weeks to get everything out of the house and get it ready to put on the market and it was only Mike's stuff from two businesses that was in the house! I had already moved most of our personal stuff to the new house a year earlier.

I had to borrow money from family to pay for all the fixing we had to do to the house. It was absolutely crazy. But through it all I stayed sane because of the tons of support we were given. One family friend even paid for Jeffrey's car to be fixed and get new tires. I am almost speechless when I think of the hours of service and personal sacrifices that people gave for us.
The first two months after Mike's passing were tough financially. No death certificate, no funds. We finally got back to our new home and our church had stocked my cupboards with food. Families arranged to have us over for dinner so we would go out and socialize and not just crawl in a hole like I sometimes wanted to. People let me talk, cry and process.

Now we are doing fine financially and I have some time to think about what I want to do about future work. I still don't think everything has hit me. That will most likely happen this winter when family is all gone and it is just Rachel and I. But I think I will be alright. I have the best friends in the world. They care and I know it. They have helped me smile a lot more.