Depression Helps part 2 of Opportunities to Teach

Let me start by saying I am not a professional doctor or therapist. I don't claim to have all the answers. I just know that no one had answers for me when I needed them most, so I want to share what I learned on my journey with my husband's depression.

Depression is so difficult for the person suffering from it, but it can also affect the people around them. If those of us that are healthy are prepared, we will be a better strength for them. Remember 1 in 4 will suffer at some point in their life from some type of depression. You will have this touch your life.

I had an interesting conversation with my son the other day. He was reading history about our forefathers and the early men of our country and he noticed something. They had meaningful relationships with each other. Man to man. They were affectionate with each other and could express their love to one another in a normal man to man way. Their interactions showed real caring and tenderness toward each other. That man bond seems to now be gone in most places of America. The comradery with a group of men that have to work closely together seems to give them strength. Maybe that is a missing link into why American men are having such a difficult time sharing their struggles with depression. The bonds between men are different now. They have been taught affection, crying, or hugging between men is a weakness or the sign of an alternative lifestyle. It is not.

Look at third world countries who have nothing. Their communities still rely heavily on each other. The men are not isolated as just the lead of their home, they stick together to make their community work. They also seem to have less issues with depression. It could also be the stress placed on men today in our world. I am sure most American men feel like they can't do enough for their family. The pressure on them is very high and the outlets for them have dwindled. Just an interesting observation that may be contributing to the problem for men. I know my late husband was happier the few times he was able to spend quality time with his male friends.

Here are some links to a few of the websites I have used to find information. These are some of my favorites.

Empowered Life Solutions   (Covers Anxiety, Depression, Healthy Living, and Happiness)

NAMI - National Alliance on Mental Illness

Nine Things You-Shouldn't Say to a Depressed Loved One And What to Say Instead

The Emily Effect     (Prenatal Mood Disorder)

Real Men Get Help

Mental Health (read the questions at the bottom)

Here are some descriptions I took from several websites, medical posts, and other information. I am sorry I can't give the original writers the credit they are due, but I have put this together over many years from different sources.  This shows 9 basic types of depression but each type can have sub types.
Remember: Depression is like a finger print, it is different for everyone.

Atypical Depression - Often considered a sub-type of Major Depression or Dysthymia and is the most common type of depression. Normally talk therapy works well. Symptoms: Two to three times more common in women than men. Oversleeping, overeating, weight gain, irritable, relationship issues, a sense of heaviness in the arms and legs - like a form of paralysis.

Situational Depression - About 3 times more common than major depression. Medication is rarely needed and it clears up over time, but it should not be ignored. Symptoms: Situational depression is triggered by a stressful or life-changing event, such as a job loss, death of a loved one, trauma, and even a bad break-up. Excessive sadness, worry, or nervousness. Diseases can cause this type of depression.

Postpartum Depression - Affects about 85% of new moms. May need a combination of talk and drug therapy. Symptoms: Some sadness after their baby is born, up to 16% of women the sadness is serious enough to be diagnosed.

Major Depression - Affects 7% of the US adult population. Usually antidepressant medications are needed. Symptoms: major depression, extreme sadness, hopelessness, lack of energy, irritability, trouble concentrating, changes in sleep or eating habits, feelings of guilt, physical pain, thoughts of death or suicide.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder - Affects 5% of women and is much more severe than PMS. Help for this may include a combination of talk therapy, drug therapy, and nutritional therapy. Affects women during the second half of their menstrual cycles. PMDD can be severe enough to affect he relationships. Depression, anxiety, mood swings more severe than PMS.

Seasonal Affective Disorder -  4 to 6% of US population is estimated to be affected by SAD. Light therapy or artificial light treatment is helpful. Anxiety, increased irritability, daytime fatigue, weight gain, occurs in winter climates of places with less sunshine.

Bipolar Disorder - 2 to 3% of the US population are affected. Usually treated with drugs called mood stabilizers. This is the highest risk group for suicide. Periods of extreme high to low to high (also called manic depressive disorder), high energy, excitement, racing thoughts, poor judgement. There are 4 basic subtypes: Bipolar I, Bipolar II, Cyclothymic Disorder, and Specified Bipolar.

Dysthymia - Hits 2% of the US population. Usually responds better to talk therapy. Low mood over long period of time, chronic depression, people can function adequately, but not optimally.

Psychotic Depression - 20 % of the people with depression have episodes so severe that they see or hear things that are not really there. This type may require a combination of antidepressants and anti-psychotic medications. They lose touch with reality, false beliefs, delusions, hallucinations, catatonic, do not leave their bed.

Opportunities to Teach

I am amazed how opportunities still come my way to use our family's trials to teach and help others. In July, I was given the opportunity to teach a lesson to the women of our church congregation. The topic "Finding Joy in the Journey." Before talking about joy I talked about depression and how hard it is for some to find joy.

Of course I was prompted by the lessons learned through my experiences with my late husband Mike. I printed a list of places people can go for help and wonderful resources. I had a handout on the 9 basic types of depression and some of their sub types. Of course being the teacher, I learned the most. I wasn't quite ready for the positive responses I received over the three weeks after the lesson.

I have learned that sharing our personal hardships, help us to see each other as the humans we are. We tend to think everyone is perfect while we struggle and that is not the case. I am glad that I was guided to say the things that these women needed to hear. Even more surprising to me was being asked to share the lesson again but this time with the men of our congregation.

I feel strongly about keeping the men and women separate because they might open up more and ask questions with less hesitation. Eventually a mixed group would be the next step. I am so glad that our church is talking more about depression. My late husband said it would be a plague of the last days that would affect the righteous as well as the wicked. Eight years ago before his death it was still a secret killer that no one really liked to talk about.

So today I taught the men. I started by sharing the wonderful and normal things about Mike. Then I talked about his secret dark side that was sometimes even hard for me to deal with. One in four suffer from some type of mental illness. That meant that out of the 50+ men there at least 1/4 dealt with or will deal with depression themselves or within their family. This will touch all of us. Different types of depression need different things. Some just need talk therapy and some types need medications. Men, don't be afraid to ask for help and keep a loving eye out for your spouses too.

One of the men asked, "if your husband was always praying, serving, and reading his scriptures plus getting the medical help he needed, what else could you have done to save him?"  Good question. So here are some tools that might help:

• Eat healthy and less sugar
• Exercise daily and that means a good hard aerobic heart elevating exercise at least 5 times a week
• Spend some time outdoors in the fresh air
• Try and go to bed at normal times and get a good nights sleep
• Deep breathing and meditation
• Spend time with family, don't go into isolation

My oldest daughter who suffers from depression wrote this:

"Make a working list of little things that bring a smile to your face. Little things that warm your heart. I say working list because it will change over time. My list started with a hot cocoa and pumpkin scone from Starbucks. It also included specific songs and little interactions with my son. Over time I realized the most important thing to me in life, as well as the thing that brings me the most happiness and joy, is family. 

I encourage all of us to look inside ourselves and ask, what are some things that make me smile? What are some things that bring me joy? It doesn't matter how small or big they are. Write them down and the next time your're feeling down take that list out and try one or two of those things. One of my all-time favorite quotes from Gordon B. Hinckley says, "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

Next post: a list of helpful articles and places to go to for help.

World Hopecast Interview Link

I had the awesome opportunity to be one of the guests on the World Hope Cast back in March. It was an amazing experience. They broke the world record for the longest continuous podcast. All the speakers were fabulous and brought hope into the world. He you would like to hear my interview, it is at the link below.

World Hopecast - Speaker Grace-Chumley

My World Hopecast Interview

Many of you have possibly heard of motivational speaker Dr. Paul Jenkins, well I am being interviewed by him on the WORLD HOPECAST next week, so please sign up now to listen!

This is a record breaking internet podcast with interviews of experts from around the globe in a record attempt (certified by Guinness) for the longest live-streamed audio webcast, while providing powerful messages of hope to the world, from around the world.

Registration is Open! Please take a moment to register yourself, and then invite your friends to do the same. Once you register, you will receive a unique link and instructions that allow you to follow the live stream. I will be interviewed on Friday at 12am Mountain Standard Time. Tune in online, Thursday night just before midnight to hear my Friday 12am interview podcast live. Let me know if you can't listen to the even that night. I will have a direct link to my interview after the entire podcast for World Hopecast is over.

The link you receive will work for the entire event, not just my interview. You will also have access to the schedule and can share the event with others. This is the direct link to the registration page:

http://WorldHopecast.com/registration

World Hopecast does not sell or share your e-mail information. Even if you can't listen to mine, register and listen to other podcasts or mine at a later date :)

Grace Marie Chumley

"Put on your natural make-up, SMILE"

Author of:

"Grace Under Pressure - Smiling Through Adversity"

Come Check Out My New Blog "The Happiness Choice"

I need followers on my new site! If you followed me here, check out the new site and follow it. I try and get a few posts up a month on learning to make healthy, happy choices in eating, exercise, and life. I will be sharing some of the new recipes I am trying and other fun things. Check it out:

http://chosinghappiness.blogspot.com/  (and yes it say chosing not choosing because that was all I could get.)

Also check out and share my daughter's blog on her journey with infertility and now having twins!

http://littleivielane.blogspot.com/

Check Out My New Blog!

I don't write on here much anymore because, well we are surviving well. I made the big move to Utah from Washington to be closer to my married kids and grandchildren. It was the best move I have made. I am working in the local school district now as a substitute and that has been a great blessing.

I get to see my two grandsons a lot! One is currently living with me. The other is 25 minutes away. To top it off, my youngest daughter announced she was having twins in November! You can read all about her journey on her blog about her battles with infertility. There is also a great video of how they told me. It has over 2000 hits on YouTube! Check out her site:

http://littleivielane.blogspot.com/

My new site is about learning to make healthy, happy choices in eating, exercise, and life. I will be sharing some of the new recipes I am trying and other fun things. Check it out:

http://chosinghappiness.blogspot.com/

Thanks for following me on my past journey and I hope to see you on my new one at "The Happiness Choice."

Bad Day = Change Attitude

I try to teach people to smile and find happiness in whatever life throws at them.  Lately several people have alluded to the fact that they think I do not understand what is thrown at them or that I never have a bad day. Today was one of those days everything went wrong, and I just wanted to cry and give up. That is still one of my choices. 

I went to check on my pump for my sprinkler system. A company has been working on it for 1 1/2 years and it keeps breaking down. Well, they still have not fixed it. You can tell they come and look at it, but it is still torn apart. Then my one-year-old riding lawnmower broke down as I started to mow the yard.  It is no longer under warranty. I am leaving next week for the summer and I am trying to get everything ready for the new occupant of my home. 

I sat on the ground by the lawnmower and wanted to cry. I am tired of always having to do this on my own.  I looked at the mower and felt helpless. Then I thought about what I teach. Smile; find the lesson. At first, I did not want to. I wanted to cry. For some reason I thought of my dad. He always taught me I could do anything. He was always my biggest fan.  Having all daughters, he taught me to fix stereos, work on my car, build remote control boats, and ride a motorcycle.  I think he was the biggest influence on me having a positive attitude. He had been through so much throughout his life and I never heard him complain.  

I got the tools, checked closely how the lawnmower was built, tore apart what needed fixed and fixed it and put it back together. The good news is it worked and I was able to mow the lawn. Some days it is very lonely here but I still have control over how I am going to deal with it. I started out feeling sorry for myself and wanting to cry, I ended up reminiscing about my dad and finding the confidence to go on.

I will still teach that we have the power to decide how we will react. Sometimes, like today, it just takes longer to react in the positive way. I never said I was perfect. It takes a lifetime to sculpt yourself into the person you really want to be.

Life Is Good

So a lot has happened in a few months time! I enjoyed another trip to Hawaii to pick up Rachel from college before Christmas. She vowed it would be my cheapest trip ever and fed me at the campus cafeteria and housed me. Good times. It was fun to meet all her friends and to see her in action working at the Polynesian Cultural Center. Rachel, Chris and I hiked to Makapuu Lighthouse and then Rachel and I later did a hike to the look out on top of Diamond Head. We also had a great time snorkeling at Hanauma Bay. I think the only things I paid for was the flight, rental car, and eating out a few times!

We arrived home and Christmas was upon us. I had so much fun with all of my immediate family home for 2 weeks. We laughed so much playing games and watching movies. It was good to get to know Jeffrey's wife Elaine better and to spend time with my grandson. We had our annual cookie day with a twist...we skyped Chris Ivie and his family and made cookies together. That was like doing a cooking show over the internet! Christmas was a wonderful family time. Jeffrey called after they returned home and said he felt a bit home sick...that actually warms my heart to know he had so much fun he was a bit homesick. It was great to have Chris surprise Rachel and join us for New Years, but you can read that fun story at Rachel's blog: "Fireworks"

The answer to his proposal

Ethan with Santa's cookies and Rudolph's onion

One of our marathon game nights!

After all the excitement and 8 four hour round trips to the airport, everyone went home but Ethan. Ethan and I had a blast playing together for the week. He is so much fun. When the week ended it was time to drive him home to Utah. What a fun week that was too! My friend Christy drove with me so I wouldn't be alone. We spent the time down there running around planning Rachel's wedding and reception. (you must read her blog above!) It was great.  By the time we were ready to head home we were dodging snow storms but we made it. There was one scary moment when I had to guide Christy, who was driving, by the snow measurement poles on the side of the road. That was heading into Pendleton where the ice storm was hitting and we stopped for the night.

Now I am home and trying to get back on top of everything, but I had to stop and be thankful for all I have. My wonderful children and their spouses. My fun grandson who broke my heart when I told him I was leaving to go home and he said, "Don't you love me anymore?" My dear friends who love me even with my short comings, the wonderful youth in Sequim, and my wonderful caring co-workers at the school, have all left me a better person. May this New Year bring the joy of peace and happiness into your lives no matter the challenges life throws at you. Keep smiling, I know I will be.

Made My Day!

If there is one thing that can make my day, it is when my smile and happiness can change someone else's day! I walked out of a store today, the sun was shinning, I was smiling and my hair looked great! As I was walking to my car a lady and her friend were walking by and she said, "wow, you look really happy!" I told her thanks, we all smiled and she stated as she walked away that more people needed to be that happy! It felt wonderful and we all went off happy and with smiles. What a great thing a smile is.

"Firsts" Are Still Difficult, Even With A Positive Attitude

"Firsts" definitely are difficult. I love springtime, I was born in the spring, married in the spring and it is just a beautiful time of the year.

As I approach my birthday, I think I will make it through alright. Half the time Mike never did anything for my birthday anyway. Then other times he really went all out. But this is a landmark birthday. I really have no plans to do anything. Rachel has play rehearsal every evening from here until May 8th so I could go out to dinner alone... but that doesn't sound fun. I enjoy life so I really don't mind getting older. I do mind getting older alone. I really do hate not having someone around to share intimate feelings and thoughts with. Someone to be with.

As for the anniversary, I am not sure how to get through that one except to just stay busy. It would be our 28th anniversary. It is weird to think that I have been married more of my life then I was single. Maybe that is why I hate being single so much, just not used to it. Sometimes I see all the single women out there and I think maybe I should be happy for what I had and not worry about dating so they can have a chance at that same kind of happiness. Then I think who would want to marry me anyway! I am happy with who I am and I really don't have weird hangups, but most guys can't see beyond my few extra pounds to figure that out. Wait, there are no guys around here to date so maybe I am wrong about that!!! I guess I shouldn't worry about dating until Rachel is in college anyway, she might rebel on me! I joke with her about double dating all the time and she just rolls her eyes.

As for Mothers Day, I used to say that by the time it came my family was sick of doing things for me! Having a birthday, anniversary and then Mother's Day all spread out in one week is too much to focus on one person! I have fantastic kids so I am sure they will do their best to take care of me during this up coming week of more "firsts."

Truth be told, while Rachel has been off doing her own thing, being by myself these last few weeks have been difficult. I try and keep busy but when I am all alone and it is quiet, my doubts and fears creep in the most. I am a survivor, so it will all be okay.