When Your Job and Life Passion Merge Together For the Good of Others

I love substitute teaching and I love to travel. For the first time since working at JSD, I put the two together with an amazing outcome. Working at the high school level has been very fulfilling. Hopefully by the end of the month I should have my 1983 Utah Teaching License reinstated since moving away. That means the substitute pay will go up almost $12 a day! (sidenote: teachers and subs should be paid better)

I have had the opportunity to work a lot with one particular high school close to my home. The staff and the teachers have been amazing. I have been given the opportunity to do three long term jobs at the school lasting for 6 weeks each. This really helps to build report with the students and staff when you are more consistent.  I am trained in the student system so I can do attendance and grades online and that alone gives you a better standing with the students. . . I have access to their grades in long term jobs! That helps them listen better, lol.

This last longterm job was in the FCCLA department teaching sewing. I am so thankful my grandmother taught me to sew when I was in the third grade! It was one of the best jobs ever. I was able to teach and sew for myself during my prep time. The students were scheduled to make drawstring bags for Apparel One. I was heading to South Africa at the end of this job and these bags were perfect to take to the village we were going to be visiting.

My travel buddy Mardell and I, filled the bags with school supplies and made room in our luggage for the bags. About two weeks before the sub job ended, Lois Nielsen a sewing teacher at another local high school, heard I was going to Africa through another substitute. We worked it out for me to pick up their sewing projects "Little Dresses For Africa," a few days before we left.  With full suitcases, Mardell and I were off to South Africa.

It was a wonderful trip scheduled through Fun For Less Tours out of Draper, Utah. We traveled through five countries, learned a ton of history, went on several land and water safari's and fell in love with the children. Their smiles are beautiful and they are so happy even with so little.

This is a link to the districts story about the students who helped with the projects.

JSD Students Help Children in Africa with Homemade Gifts From the Heart



The following are pictures I took of the children in the Zambian Village who benefited from the generosity of these high school students.

The village guide was given the bags and dresses to hand out. This helps to get them to those in the most need and helped keep us from getting mobbed!

I LOVE her smile!

"I have a question?"

Why, As A Woman, I Didn’t Need to March

            Marching with your fellow supporters might feel like a good thing to do and that is okay, but it is a one day event. Out of the millions of marchers, how many are doing something once a week to support their cause? It seems like it is mostly all talk and no action except for the one March that leaves thousands of dollars in waste to be picked up. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you shouldn’t march for a cause, I’m saying maybe we could do other things instead of or along with marching.

            I was raised to leave a place better than you found it. That alone would have made a huge difference on the way non-marchers viewed the Woman’s March.  It is like the “Occupy Wall Street” events. Nothing much was accomplished other than causing our tax dollar to be spent on clean up. Sure, the protesters had fun, they didn’t have to work or go to school, and they could sit and sing Kumbaya all day if they wanted.  But the least they should have done is clean up after themselves.  If you want your rights, you have to be willing to let others have theirs without making them feel less a person for their choice.

            If you want to see women’s rights taken care of then go do something like work in a woman's shelter or with the courts. Women caught in domestic violence situations often get re-victimized by police and courts, and it is not necessarily intentionally. Become an advocate for the abused woman and learn how to help them get out of those relationships. Help educate and teach job skills to lower income women who feel stuck and want out but don’t know how. Can you imagine if all those people who marched went home and made a difference by reaching out to help one woman instead of just marching? Thousands would truly be affected. Think of all that money spent in travel, posters, and hats that could have been donated to a local women's shelter. 

            I didn’t feel the need to march because I am trying to do something. It might not be much but it is something. My cousin and I run a Facebook page called “Healing For Women.” We try to make daily posts that can lift and educate women on abuse, narcissistic behavior, depression, suicide prevention, PTSD and other issues. I have watched my cousin Shareene use her personal experiences to get a woman to a safe house and away from her abuser.  I have cried with several of these women as they in confidence tell us how something we posted changed their lives.

The best way to empower women is to build each other up. Lets help each other feel validated by acknowledging our unique differences instead of tearing down our confidence with petty mean comments and cat fights. Value each woman and not just the ones that think the same as you. Teach the young girls within your influence to not compare themselves with others. Teach them to be kind and respectful. Teach them they look perfect just the way they are. Teach them to be inclusive. Teach them they can be happy right now and not when they reach some goal or they will always be chasing happiness.  And of course, teach them to smile. A smile can melt the angry heart, cheer the downtrodden, and help heal a broken heart.  Yelling in the streets that you are right and everyone else that believes differently is wrong doesn't do much to build and bring us unity as women. 

(I want to clarify that I had many good friends march, clean up, and not make others feel less of a woman for believing differently, unfortunately the media doesn't find them as news worthy)

Earlier this year, my daughter wrote a beautiful post on Infertility and the difficulty it was to go through. It was an eye opener. So I took her format and wrote what it is like to be a widow. This Christmas season, take care of the widows in your life. It is a hard place to be and none of us asked for the title.

What does it mean to be a widow?
It is making decisions you thought you would never have to make
It is deciding if you want your name on a headstone yet
It is cooking for one
It is candle lite dinners alone
It is trying to figure out where you fit in
It is sitting home lonely because you don't want to be a burden to anyone
It is learning to live alone, for the first time in your life
It is holding yourself together for your children
It is learning to sing and smile again
It is filing paperwork to get what is rightfully yours
It is trying to make everyone happy with your decision
It is a ton of 'why me'
It is piling junk on the bed so the space next to you doesn't seem so empty
It is having the first year of difficult dates pass, when everyone else is over your loss in a week
It is not knowing what to do with your future
It is staying out late with your widow friends so you don't have to go home to an empty house
It is wishing couples wouldn't complain about being married
It is wanting to be surrounded by family during holidays so you won't feel so alone
It is wondering if your kids will call
It is being told not to talk to your friend's husband anymore because you are single
It is being forgotten when your church has a dance or party for couples
It is learning to kill the spiders, fix the electrical issues, and make your own home repairs
It is having a hole in your heart and life
It is not having someone to discuss politics rationally with anymore
It is not having someone's hand to hold when you need strength
It is holding your pet when there is no one to hold you
It is trying to feel love on Valentine's Day
It is hiding the pain of loneliness
It is not wanting to date because you can't ever replace your spouse
It is wanting to date so you don't have to live alone
It is not being invited out with your married friends anymore
It is going out to dinner alone
It is not having someone to kiss on New Year's Eve
It is wondering if you are a horrible person when you move on
It is deciding when to take off your wedding ring
It is depending on God for survival and to walk with you
It is finding out you have joined the Widows Club, a club you didn't want to join with a very high entry price paid

One Person's Example Can Last A Lifetime

Have you ever known someone who had an impact on your life in so many ways that you are still realizing it? My father was one of those people. He lived through the depression as a kid often eating just milk and flour, he was beaten by his father and he left home as a young teenager. His only son died after a few hours of life and then his first wife, Carol, left him. Before dad could get all of his stuff from her, Carol's father used my dad's gun to kill himself. In WWII, my dad found himself in a military hospital where an unnecessary surgery was preformed on him causing him to lose one of his lungs. He was considered 80% disabled after that.

He had several things happen in his life that he could have chosen to be bitter and angry about. But I never saw that. He was a quiet, calm, happy person. Most of the above events I didn’t even hear about until after he died. He chose not to dwell on them. It was his sister that told me a lot about his hard life.

When I was in junior high and high school, I ran for different offices & cheerleader. I lost for 4 years straight before I won anything.  My dad was the one who taught me to keep trying, to never give up, and be happy for the winner.  He always told me I could do anything, and I believed him. He spent time with me building remote control boats, riding dirt bikes, going on motorcycle poker runs and teaching me to fix things.

All the little things in life that he helped me work through made a huge difference on how I handle all the big things that happen as an adult. When I was faced with the hard times, I worked though them because of what my dad taught me and because of his example. He was a man who easily could have been angry but chose to be happy. It wasn’t until last week that I realized I am who I am because of his example. I choose happiness at difficult times because he taught me to. I owe my dad a lot. Thanks dad, I miss you.

Dedicated to Keith Howard Christophersen 

May 9, 1919 to Nov 9, 1982 

Life Is Good

So a lot has happened in a few months time! I enjoyed another trip to Hawaii to pick up Rachel from college before Christmas. She vowed it would be my cheapest trip ever and fed me at the campus cafeteria and housed me. Good times. It was fun to meet all her friends and to see her in action working at the Polynesian Cultural Center. Rachel, Chris and I hiked to Makapuu Lighthouse and then Rachel and I later did a hike to the look out on top of Diamond Head. We also had a great time snorkeling at Hanauma Bay. I think the only things I paid for was the flight, rental car, and eating out a few times!

We arrived home and Christmas was upon us. I had so much fun with all of my immediate family home for 2 weeks. We laughed so much playing games and watching movies. It was good to get to know Jeffrey's wife Elaine better and to spend time with my grandson. We had our annual cookie day with a twist...we skyped Chris Ivie and his family and made cookies together. That was like doing a cooking show over the internet! Christmas was a wonderful family time. Jeffrey called after they returned home and said he felt a bit home sick...that actually warms my heart to know he had so much fun he was a bit homesick. It was great to have Chris surprise Rachel and join us for New Years, but you can read that fun story at Rachel's blog: "Fireworks"

The answer to his proposal

Ethan with Santa's cookies and Rudolph's onion

One of our marathon game nights!

After all the excitement and 8 four hour round trips to the airport, everyone went home but Ethan. Ethan and I had a blast playing together for the week. He is so much fun. When the week ended it was time to drive him home to Utah. What a fun week that was too! My friend Christy drove with me so I wouldn't be alone. We spent the time down there running around planning Rachel's wedding and reception. (you must read her blog above!) It was great.  By the time we were ready to head home we were dodging snow storms but we made it. There was one scary moment when I had to guide Christy, who was driving, by the snow measurement poles on the side of the road. That was heading into Pendleton where the ice storm was hitting and we stopped for the night.

Now I am home and trying to get back on top of everything, but I had to stop and be thankful for all I have. My wonderful children and their spouses. My fun grandson who broke my heart when I told him I was leaving to go home and he said, "Don't you love me anymore?" My dear friends who love me even with my short comings, the wonderful youth in Sequim, and my wonderful caring co-workers at the school, have all left me a better person. May this New Year bring the joy of peace and happiness into your lives no matter the challenges life throws at you. Keep smiling, I know I will be.

A World Of Opportunities

What a world of opportunities I have in front of me! I cannot say enough, how fun it was to participate in the Global Women's Summit in Los Angeles last weekend. It helped me to realize how to make a few of my dreams come true; very empowering! I met so many wonderful and talented women with such diverse occupations, dreams and skills, but yet all very similar in many ways. It has put me back on track with writing my book too! I have three manuscripts that have been proofed and now I am merging them together to glean the best finished product to get published.
I really appreciate all the support and guidance people have given me. The youth around me are so wonderful! We need to applauded them more often for the amazing things they do. I am thankful so many youth are a part of my life. It has been a pleasure serving the youth at church and at school. In our crazy world they are shinning stars.
The other day when my youngest was have a tough day I sent her a text saying, "You are my sunshine on cloudy days!" and she wrote back, "You are my cup of hot chocolate when my soul gets cold." When she posted it on facebook, she wrote, "I have the best mother in the world."  For the record, I have the best kids in the world and I love them dearly. We need more love in the world. So after you read this, go tell someone you love them. Smile at a stranger, wave to a neighbor, and be polite while driving. All these little things make the world a better place, one person, one deed at a time. So if you are reading this, I love you too!

Weeks of Joy and Pain (literally!)

Life has been a lot of fun lately but there is always something that tries to pull you down.

On the good side of life, our foreign exchange student that came from France last February for three weeks is here to visit again! It is her school break and she wanted to come see us so her parents bought her plane ticket as a birthday gift! We are so excited to have Alice here again. We love her as if she was part of the family. She was suffering from jet-luge on Saturday but went to our school homecoming dance anyway. Some of the teachers didn't know who she was and they thought she was drunk because she fell asleep on a chair!!!!!!!! It was pretty funny. Rachel looked amazing for Homecoming. Someone said she looked like Rita Hayworth, I had to show her who that was! Jeremie and Rachel had a wonderful time at the dance and looked great together. I am so glad Rachel has and keeps such high standards for herself.

I strongly believe in teaching them correct principles and then letting them govern themselves whenever possible. With Rachel she makes good choices and never pushes the limits. Actually I can say that about all my kids, for the most part. ;-)
I think Heavenly Father knew I would be a single parent someday and blessed me with children that would be a joy to raise. When you consider I have been a parent for 25 years, it is amazing the few problems we have run into. I truly love, trust and adore my kids and make sure I am involved in their lives without being over bearing. They have been taught to wear modest clothing, with the exception of uniforms for sports, dancing, etc. With those they wear them when required then change when they are done.

I see all the different types of lifestyles that are out there in the schools and it is amazing our kids can even survive sometimes. I often work with students that are in "in-school suspension" and whenever possible I talk to them about what they want in life and where they are heading. It is amazing how many do not realize that what they do today will play a big part on what their tomorrow will look like. It is appalling how many kids do not get direction or support from their home and families.

Do to my situation in life, it has made it easy to open my home for parties and movie nights. We keep them clean, fun, alcoholic and drug free. We are even being more careful on the movies we show. Kids need more of that environment. They know even at school not to swear around me. I try to give them high expectations and they do, for the most part, rise to them. These troubled kids are not even embarrassed to say hi to me around town. There are always some kids who don't care and will blow off any adult that tries to work with them, but I hope if anything, I can show them how to be happy, without added substances, and embrace life while helping others.

Sometimes Rachel gets upset that I am letting kids walk over me. She thinks they take advantage of our food and home. I try to explain that I am giving it freely, they aren't walking over us. None of this "stuff" is truly mine anyway. I can't take it with me. I believe I have been given stewardship over it and giving to others without putting my family in jeopardy is what Christ would do. I do try to be careful so that the kids don't get the idea that it is funner here then at home! So with all the parties, working and friends around life has been a joy.

Now for the pain part... they think I have bursitis in my hip. they have done x-rays and the bones are fine. The doctor ordered an MRI and that was the most painful thing I have done in a long time! I am in the most pain when I lay down at night and when I walk too much. So laying still for 45 minutes and not moving was excruciatingly painful!!! I literally thought I was going to break the metal handle off the bed I was laying on. Put it this way, they put me on Vicodin and it isn't killing the pain. On really painful days I walk around the house with a crutch! I hope they come up with a way to get rid of this so I can go back to exercising. Even the Flexor pain patches don't work anymore. Why is it that when we finally get grounded and have some intelligence our bodies start to fall apart? Why can't I have the body of years ago and the wisdom of now!!! It will all be fine, I just have to figure out what lesson I am supposed to be learning from this experience. Maybe compassion? or patience? or maybe that I am just getting old and can't expect to hang with teenagers forever!!!!

One More Hard Day Coming Up

I was right. My mind played last year over twice. First on Monday and Tuesday because those were the days of the week last year. I kept thinking about what was happening and when and how we were discovering Mike's death. It was almost surreal. Then again on Tuesday and Wednesday it played out because it was the actually dates of things. Sounds weird but Jeffrey said he kind of did the same thing. The first time it was more methodical. The second time it was more sad and there were more tears.
Rachel was off at a summer camp and spent an hour Tuesday night crying in her room with her roommate. I am thankful she had a friend with her. Marie decided to make it her own personal "Depression Awareness Day." Jeffrey and I talked and just had everything run through our heads over and over again. I think I shed more tears hearing about how hard it was for them then I did for myself. Let's hope the 5th isn't a replay of the funeral day.
I actually spent a lot of the day doing yard work, which I hate and Mike loved. So I guess I was still trying to please him and make the yard look good. Strange. I still think about him, us, our family a lot. I suppose I always will, but I am so ready to move on. I would love to find someone who has all Mike's good qualities like patience, kindness, integrity, honesty, and a good work ethic. I would also like to add the qualities I always felt were missing. I would love to have someone who would dote over me, hold me, and love me for who I was no matter what. Someone who isn't afraid to say, "I love you," instead of assuming I could tell by the things he did. Maybe I am unrealistic and asking for the moon, but I want to feel passionately loved next time around. What they heck, don't we all deserve the best for a little while in this life?

A 28th Wedding Anniversary I Will Never Forget

I spent May 1st, staying busy. I took some May Day flowers to friends and then went to the theatre to paint & help out. I tried to keep busy and not think about the fact that it would have been my 28th wedding anniversary. I succeeded in keeping busy which isn't hard when you are involved in a theatre production that opens in a week! I was trying to keep busy because today would have been my 28th anniversary if my husband was still alive...
By the time we got home it was a little after 11pm. A few of the boys came to our house with pizza and we chatted a bit. As I walked by my hallway, I noticed that my bedroom door at the end was shut and my light was on. It made me a little nervous since I knew I hadn't been in there. I called out to the kids asking them if anyone had been in my room and there was silence. I thought something was unusual about all this, so I went to check it out. I opened my door to find a bouquet of flowers by my bed and papers on my bed in the shape of a big heart. One was place in the middle and simply said, "read me first." As I opened it I read, "Mommy! You didn't think I'd really forget your 28th anniversary did you?!? I hope today wasn't too hard. Here are 28 letters from 28 people who love you dearly. So many people love and appreciate you. I know daddy loves you still and is watching over you. Our family is forever." Rachel
You can imagine tears flowed as I read the expressions of love and kind words from 28 of the wonderful youth in our area. Some know me from church and some from the high school. There were even a few youth that heard about it later and wanted to add a letter. I can't express how my heart was touched by their words. They turned a day that could have been dificult into one of the most cherished days of my life. I love the youth and the wonderful parents that are raising them. You have touched my life forever.

Beneficiary of a Sad Situation

My husband was a CPA (certified public accountant) and an auto mechanic. I know, it is a strange combination. One of the things he did for Marie and Jeffrey, was to rebuild a car and then give it to them. It happened to be whatever car he got at the time and yes Jeffrey got the better deal. Rachel and Mike always talked about getting a mini cooper and fixing it up. Before we moved, Mike inherited a nice red Jeep that needed a new motor. We drove it to the new place but it never got fixed. Having only one dependable car and two drivers, with Rachel turning 16 in March, I thought it would be a good idea to get the Jeep fixed. We got it back this week and it runs wonderful. I have called it Rachel's car because she will wind up driving it the most. Eventually Mike would have found a car to fix for her anyway.
Rachel said to me the other day, "I am so spoiled." Not really. It is a better car then her siblings got and she did get it at a younger age, but at what cost?
I think that all of us would rather have Mike here and be scraping by like the rest of America. Because of Mike's planning, he set things up properly for us. I have the ability to get a few nice things I have wanted, pay for food and parties for Rachel's and her friends and keep the kids in college and live comfortably. Rachel hardly ever asks for anything. So is she spoiled? No just the beneficiary of a sad situation. We would give all the nice things back if it would mean Mike was here to finish raising the kids with me.
Love your family while you have them. Don't judge others for the choices they make. And finally, go do some good to make a positive difference in the world today.

Mike's Message to Me - Well some of it...

I find it interesting how judgmental some people can be, but I brush it off and recognize they just don't know all the circumstances of what they are judging. I have mentioned before that Mike left a 5 page letter on his computer for us. It is hard to read because I can see where his thinking is misguided. He said he had been writing the letter in his mind for a long time. I always knew I would out live him, and so did he. In the letter he left, Mike gave me instructions on what to do with everything; what stocks to sell (which luckily I did) and which ones to keep, what property to sell, what to do with his cars and stuff, everything was pretty laid out. And true to Mike's style he had piles all over the living room floor with directions on what to do with each pile and who it should go to. He tired to cover every detail. He even mentioned the fact that the blueberries and strawberries were coming in and not to waste them.

So when someone comes along and judges me as a hard callous wife who just wants to get rid of her husbands stuff, I took the high road and laughed it off. They have no idea of the lists of things Mike left for us. I followed Mike's instructions with one exception, I didn't bury him with the quilt I made him in college. I still need it; too many memories.

The personal messages Mike left for me were a bit harder to handle. It is how he felt, real or not. Here are a few of his words, "Grace, well, we had a few good years and some fun times, but it never was much of a marriage was it? Now you are free! Free of me! I hope you will find someone to spend the rest of your life with who will bring happiness into your life. I recommend you forget I ever existed. I have always loved you even if I wasn't 'in love' with you. You have been my best friend for more then 29 years. I thank you for that. I hope you don't have a funeral for me-I am not worthy of one. Save yourselves the embarrassment."

Obviously he was wrong. He was loved and admired by so many people the funeral was packed. I didn't even see all the people who had signed the guestbook. Even the online guestbook has messages from friends living in different parts of the world. We have no clue the impact we have on the lives around us. Mike was great at making people feel good. His smiles, handshakes, caring nature and absences of guile were truly a gift. Friends had described him for years with the word 'integrity.' It was a lot harder for him to be as loving to his family, but that is true for all of us. We all need to work on treating our family as wonderful as we treat others.

So am I a hard callus wife, no, for once I am doing what he asked of me. I will never forget he existed, but I will try to move on with my life. Holding on to precious memories and making new ones. I will never be, nor do I want to be 'free of him.' In fact, this post was the hardest one to write and caused the most tears. You see in the back of my mind the thought creeps out every now and then that maybe I failed him. The 'what ifs,' that I try to stay away from, are the killer when I am alone with my thoughts...