Intentional Teaching

As a teacher, I have been thinking a lot lately about what I taught my own children. Did I ever intentionally teach them something? Or did they learn from my actions which could have been good or bad? Did I assume they would just know something without ever giving them the information to learn? There are times I wish I could go back and do a better job at raising my children. They are wonderful, but I can’t take a lot of the credit for that.

When our children where from 3-5, I did a preschool program with them called Joy School. Joy School is a program started by Richard and Linda Eyre that gives you the information to teach lessons on the joy of service, the joy of creativity, the joy of spontaneous delight, the joy of trust, etc. There are a few things that I know I intentionally taught my children due to Joy School or because they were important enough in my mind to cover like my lesson on respecting personal property. (Ask me about that sometime. It was effective!)

There are also many things I did not teach well. Take the handling of money for example. It was common in our family to use phrases like ‘money burns a whole in your pocket’ or ‘we can’t afford that.’ Unfortunately we said those instead of teaching our children to make a plan of how to earn and save money so they could obtain something.  Another example of this would be gathering the family to make plans for a vacation and then shooting down the ideas because they cost too much. This teaches children a negative attitude toward money. I know for us as parents, we sometimes would have disagreements about money or have problems with the checkbook that were minor but appeared to be major to the listening child.

We may want our children to be reverent in church and expect it from them, but have we taught them what that looks like? Are we playing on our iPhone but expecting them to be quiet? I had a friend that taught her children by having reverent time at home. They would sit on a chair to see how long they could be quiet. The young ones started out with 10 seconds but got excited to try and go longer and do as well as their older siblings. When they went to church they knew what it felt like to sit reverently. If you give a child a car, to keep them 'quiet' at church, they will want to make varooom sounds, they are kids! 

Are we teaching values like kindness and sharing? Or do we wait until a fight breaks out? Are we teaching them how gossip hurts and lying just makes issues worse? Or do we wait until something happens then say ‘you are in trouble now for lying!’  Being a parent is hard work and not everything works with every child. Consistency is important.

It is also really important to look for teaching moments throughout the day, but it is also just as important to intentionally teach your children the things you feel will give them a great foundation. Don’t leave that to society, church, or schools or they may not turn out the way you planned. This applies to chores too. My mother would ask us to dust. I did what I thought was dusting and she would scold me and then do it herself. She was a great mom but never showed me how to dust. She never showed me how to cook either!  I was one of those kids that needed to be shown more than once, but she assumed I knew from watching her.  

Pick 10 concepts this year that you feel you want your children to really understand. Then take one a month and work on it with them. Find examples to point out, stories to read, and talk about the subject over dinner. Ask for examples your children saw during their day. Reinforce their behavior when they work on the concept.  

Intentionally teach; don’t just expect children to know something.

Weeks of Joy and Pain (literally!)

Life has been a lot of fun lately but there is always something that tries to pull you down.

On the good side of life, our foreign exchange student that came from France last February for three weeks is here to visit again! It is her school break and she wanted to come see us so her parents bought her plane ticket as a birthday gift! We are so excited to have Alice here again. We love her as if she was part of the family. She was suffering from jet-luge on Saturday but went to our school homecoming dance anyway. Some of the teachers didn't know who she was and they thought she was drunk because she fell asleep on a chair!!!!!!!! It was pretty funny. Rachel looked amazing for Homecoming. Someone said she looked like Rita Hayworth, I had to show her who that was! Jeremie and Rachel had a wonderful time at the dance and looked great together. I am so glad Rachel has and keeps such high standards for herself.

I strongly believe in teaching them correct principles and then letting them govern themselves whenever possible. With Rachel she makes good choices and never pushes the limits. Actually I can say that about all my kids, for the most part. ;-)
I think Heavenly Father knew I would be a single parent someday and blessed me with children that would be a joy to raise. When you consider I have been a parent for 25 years, it is amazing the few problems we have run into. I truly love, trust and adore my kids and make sure I am involved in their lives without being over bearing. They have been taught to wear modest clothing, with the exception of uniforms for sports, dancing, etc. With those they wear them when required then change when they are done.

I see all the different types of lifestyles that are out there in the schools and it is amazing our kids can even survive sometimes. I often work with students that are in "in-school suspension" and whenever possible I talk to them about what they want in life and where they are heading. It is amazing how many do not realize that what they do today will play a big part on what their tomorrow will look like. It is appalling how many kids do not get direction or support from their home and families.

Do to my situation in life, it has made it easy to open my home for parties and movie nights. We keep them clean, fun, alcoholic and drug free. We are even being more careful on the movies we show. Kids need more of that environment. They know even at school not to swear around me. I try to give them high expectations and they do, for the most part, rise to them. These troubled kids are not even embarrassed to say hi to me around town. There are always some kids who don't care and will blow off any adult that tries to work with them, but I hope if anything, I can show them how to be happy, without added substances, and embrace life while helping others.

Sometimes Rachel gets upset that I am letting kids walk over me. She thinks they take advantage of our food and home. I try to explain that I am giving it freely, they aren't walking over us. None of this "stuff" is truly mine anyway. I can't take it with me. I believe I have been given stewardship over it and giving to others without putting my family in jeopardy is what Christ would do. I do try to be careful so that the kids don't get the idea that it is funner here then at home! So with all the parties, working and friends around life has been a joy.

Now for the pain part... they think I have bursitis in my hip. they have done x-rays and the bones are fine. The doctor ordered an MRI and that was the most painful thing I have done in a long time! I am in the most pain when I lay down at night and when I walk too much. So laying still for 45 minutes and not moving was excruciatingly painful!!! I literally thought I was going to break the metal handle off the bed I was laying on. Put it this way, they put me on Vicodin and it isn't killing the pain. On really painful days I walk around the house with a crutch! I hope they come up with a way to get rid of this so I can go back to exercising. Even the Flexor pain patches don't work anymore. Why is it that when we finally get grounded and have some intelligence our bodies start to fall apart? Why can't I have the body of years ago and the wisdom of now!!! It will all be fine, I just have to figure out what lesson I am supposed to be learning from this experience. Maybe compassion? or patience? or maybe that I am just getting old and can't expect to hang with teenagers forever!!!!