Intentional Teaching

As a teacher, I have been thinking a lot lately about what I taught my own children. Did I ever intentionally teach them something? Or did they learn from my actions which could have been good or bad? Did I assume they would just know something without ever giving them the information to learn? There are times I wish I could go back and do a better job at raising my children. They are wonderful, but I can’t take a lot of the credit for that.

When our children where from 3-5, I did a preschool program with them called Joy School. Joy School is a program started by Richard and Linda Eyre that gives you the information to teach lessons on the joy of service, the joy of creativity, the joy of spontaneous delight, the joy of trust, etc. There are a few things that I know I intentionally taught my children due to Joy School or because they were important enough in my mind to cover like my lesson on respecting personal property. (Ask me about that sometime. It was effective!)

There are also many things I did not teach well. Take the handling of money for example. It was common in our family to use phrases like ‘money burns a whole in your pocket’ or ‘we can’t afford that.’ Unfortunately we said those instead of teaching our children to make a plan of how to earn and save money so they could obtain something.  Another example of this would be gathering the family to make plans for a vacation and then shooting down the ideas because they cost too much. This teaches children a negative attitude toward money. I know for us as parents, we sometimes would have disagreements about money or have problems with the checkbook that were minor but appeared to be major to the listening child.

We may want our children to be reverent in church and expect it from them, but have we taught them what that looks like? Are we playing on our iPhone but expecting them to be quiet? I had a friend that taught her children by having reverent time at home. They would sit on a chair to see how long they could be quiet. The young ones started out with 10 seconds but got excited to try and go longer and do as well as their older siblings. When they went to church they knew what it felt like to sit reverently. If you give a child a car, to keep them 'quiet' at church, they will want to make varooom sounds, they are kids! 

Are we teaching values like kindness and sharing? Or do we wait until a fight breaks out? Are we teaching them how gossip hurts and lying just makes issues worse? Or do we wait until something happens then say ‘you are in trouble now for lying!’  Being a parent is hard work and not everything works with every child. Consistency is important.

It is also really important to look for teaching moments throughout the day, but it is also just as important to intentionally teach your children the things you feel will give them a great foundation. Don’t leave that to society, church, or schools or they may not turn out the way you planned. This applies to chores too. My mother would ask us to dust. I did what I thought was dusting and she would scold me and then do it herself. She was a great mom but never showed me how to dust. She never showed me how to cook either!  I was one of those kids that needed to be shown more than once, but she assumed I knew from watching her.  

Pick 10 concepts this year that you feel you want your children to really understand. Then take one a month and work on it with them. Find examples to point out, stories to read, and talk about the subject over dinner. Ask for examples your children saw during their day. Reinforce their behavior when they work on the concept.  

Intentionally teach; don’t just expect children to know something.

Surviving the Risks and Hazards of the Work Place

With all jobs there are risks. Most of them are risk from injury but there are other risks and hazards. Back in the 90’s I was working for a school district that hired an independent company to run our alternative program. It was good for a while but then the company made some changes. I witnessed our lead teacher (we did not have a principal) yelling in the face of his secretary. I witnessed the district not backing the employee’s complaints. In fact, by the time the district fired the company and their lead teacher, all my office coworkers had quit. Of course we were still seen as complaining employees and not as employees needing help from an awful situation the district had put us in and then refused to acknowledge.

                The new principal couldn’t start until the beginning of the next school year so the district hired someone to come in and clean up the place for the last few months of school.  Her job was to get rid of the problem causers. She walked up to me one day and said, “I hope you have a good self-esteem because you are going to need it!” I looked at her and replied, “I do, and I don’t get any of it from my job.” She was a bit startled by my response and walked off. She did everything to try and get me to be miserable, but I continued to do my job.

                In the fall, when the new principal came she told me that the district wanted her to get rid of me. She asked me why and then allowed me to prove my worth. Within a month she was telling me she did not understand where the district was coming from and that I was one of the best secretaries’s she ever worked with.  I received some of my best job evaluations from her. They were so positive that the next district I moved to told me they had never received such rave reviews about someone.

                The risks were high to stay with that job and face the disrespect and constant scrutiny I faced.   I had nothing to hide. I was good at my job but I knew there was always room for improvement. I also had a solid knowledge that my self-worth was established by God. Nothing they said or did could affect my self-esteem. I would not allow that. My value and worth were established by God and if I believed anything else I was giving in to the power of Satan.  That is what I believed and how I survived.

                Most people don’t realize the risks in the job of a teacher but there are many.  It just takes one student who doesn’t like you to take you down. Hopefully they don’t realize they have that kind of power. Teachers also have a hard time protecting students who are there to actually learn from those that disrupt. Another problem is that parents will believe their student over a teacher. When I went to school, I would have been in so much trouble if I talked back to a teacher. My parents would have stood with the teacher and I would have been grounded.  In states that guns are not allowed on school campus, teachers who are licensed to carry have no way to defend themselves or their students. Times have definitely changed.

                Last week, I had one of the worst classes ever. The eighth grade class had 25 boys and 3 girls. The teacher had warned me about how bad they were for her. There where at least five boys who were constantly rude and disruptive. I was trying to read to the class and these boys were walking around the class talking. The numerous times I asked them to sit down and stop they point blank said no. I had never seen such rude defiant behavior. Since there was only 15 minutes left in the school day, I did not send any of them down to detention. Instead I gave them a short lecture on taking charge of their education.  In that lecture, I mentioned that they were responsible for their education.  It was up to them to learn and move ahead in life. No one wants to get stuck saying ‘do you want fries with that’ for the rest of their lives. Working at McDonald's might be a good jump off job but unless you are in management you don’t want to be stuck there. One of the students yelled out that it was the teachers fault if they didn’t learn. Then several of the boys rambled on about how I was accusing them of being low level McDonald’s workers. I corrected what they thought they heard. Lecture ended and so did the class.

                Part of a substitute’s job is to write up a report of all the classes. I gave great reviews for all of them but the last class. I wrote up exactly what happened and even mentioned two of the boys by name. Then I went to the office to check out, I told them exactly what had happened. I wanted to make sure they knew about it. Four days later I receive a ‘Sub Warning’ e-mail from the district. You get two warnings before being evaluated and then let go as a substitute. You don’t get to defend yourself to the school or the teacher. In fact you can receive a second violation if you do. The charge? Lecturing students and telling them they would only be able to get a job working at McDonald's. Apparently parents and students were offended that I said, “they would never have a good job and would have to say do you want fries with that for the rest of their lives.”  Obviously that is not what I said.

                I handled it well since I still believe I don’t get my self-worth from my job. I sent the district a letter explaining what I did and what actually happened and asked them to put it in my file. I didn’t argue the points or call anyone a liar. Instead I chalked it up to one of the risks of the work place.  But I was truly saddened. I am sad that students would go that far. They knew the truth and didn’t care. Sad that parents no longer hold their children accountable or take the time to listen to the teachers side of the story. I am sad that a person’s career and livelihood could end if a student wrongfully accuses a teacher.

                These hazards and risks in the teaching profession are part of the reason for the decline of good strong teachers. In a work place where the teacher is guilty until proven innocent, it is hard to keep good people around. Many subs have it worse because they don’t get the chance to establish a relationship with staff since they move around so much. This puts the risk of teaching much higher for the substitute.

                The world is a tough place. All jobs have their hazards and risks. If I could plea for one thing in my field, it would be for parents to support the schools and teachers. Hold your children accountable. Listen before jumping to conclusions and honor those that march into the classroom to help today’s youth come out better than the last generation. Support substitutes, they have a tough job moving around from class to class never getting the chance to build a relationship with the students or staff and far too many substitutes attach their self-worth to their success in the classroom.

                Fortunately I have spent the last few days at the local alternative school. These kids come because they want to even with all the struggles that they have in their current lives. They want to move on and get out of the place they are in. The staff here? Wonderful, they have included me and even given me a free school t-shirt. What a difference in schools and attitudes. 

Life Has Been Busy, But Good

Maybe I am not getting on here as much because life is moving on and I have less to talk about... I doubt it, but I have been very busy. One thing I did last fall when I finally had access to all our accounts was to take a small stock and sell it. Good timing too! Anyway, I put that aside for fun money. I knew that this first year would be hard on me and my family. I wanted to be able to get away if we needed to especially at the holidays. Hence the Thanksgiving trip to Victoria Canada with all the kids and the Christmas trip to Hawaii with Jeffrey and Rachel. It also allowed me to go to California in March and help out a friend in need. Well the money is almost gone now but we did finish it off with one last trip! Some good friends were going to Disneyland and had a 4 bedroom condo, actually it was the presidential suite, and at the last minute asked us if we want to go. Two seconds later I had airline tickets to Orange County. My friends drove down and didn't tell their daughter we were coming. So when they got to the condo, we were already there. The surprise on their daughters face when she saw Rachel was priceless.

So I guess you could say for my late birthday present to myself, we went to Disneyland. We had a fun time there for 5 days and even went to see the Medieval Times dinner entertainment show complete with jousting. What a fun time. Now I will say that there were some very lonely times too. It isn't always fun to be the third wheel with the two teenagers. Most rides I was by myself and that was hard sometimes. I also know that I need to give the girls space. So I tried really hard to give them time alone. That often meant I was alone too. Those are the hard times. I will really have to think hard about what I want to do when Rachel graduates from high school. I am fine at the house for a day or two alone, but months..... Rachel says I am going to follow her to college. I think she will drag me with her! We are very close and I am thankful for that.

On another topic, my nephew Michael and I went to a single adult conference. I hadn't seen him since he came back from his second tour of duty in Iraq so it was really fun to be with him. As for attending single adult activities, well let's just say, weird. Last time I went to one was last August and I wasn't ready to really mingle. This time there were just not that many people worth mingling with! Those that were are not interested in me. So the dilemma remains, how do you meet good guys. After sitting though 6 songs at the dance, my nephew and I went into another room and played a game. I guess I am not ready to be the lead and go ask a guy to dance. Don't get me wrong, I love to dance. In fact, that is one reason why dances are so hard for me. Mike and I could dance. We could be out of sorts with each other and you get us on the dance floor and we looked and danced as if we were madly in love. It was always something we just clicked at.

One last interesting thing I did that is surprising to some people is I taught a class to adults on how to survive a death. I have learned so much on the paperwork side of things. My sister-in-law gave me a red folder file system the week Mike passed away and I used it to organize myself. It was a real life savor that I still refer to. So I taught about 12 people how to set it up and what is important to do and not to do in the event of a death. It was a very rewarding class to teach.

Bad news: As for the IRS, I am still in a mess with them after their screw up. It will take months to get this figured out.
Good news: after 11 months I have a buyer for my house. If all goes well, it will close on June 25 and I will be done with the Redmond home for good.
Bad news: it is selling for $100,000 less then it would have a 1 1/2 years ago when it should have been put on the market. Oh well.
Good news: It is a beautiful day and I am going to go out and mow the yard and be happy about it...

The Good and the Bad

It is late at night and I haven't been on here in awhile. We have had a busy month with the school production of Beauty and the Beast. This was my second year as the house manager and pre-ticket sale person. When you have 6 shows and can seat 600 people a show, that is a busy job! We only had two nights that seating was down to the last few seats, so it wasn't as bad as last year.
I have also been working a lot. The past two weeks I haven't worked because I got a bad cough after working in attendance where all the sick kids come use my phone!!! I can't remember if I mentioned that I received my life time substitute teaching certificate. It is good for K-12th grade. So I had the fun opportunity to teach high school history for 3 days in a row. It was fun because Rachel was in one of my classes! The first day the kids got a little crazy (normal for how they act with a sub) so on the second day Rachel was gone for the first part of class. When she walked in they were quiet and respectful. She was shocked so when we got home she asked me what I did to change the kids. Well, I believe in a little bribery, so I told them I would bring them all brownies for my birthday on the third day if they were good. That meant brownies for 150 kids or 5 classes worth! But I made them all and it was fun. The main reason they were good though is because I told them I didn't have to be there. I told them I didn't have to work but I did because I enjoyed the kids. I am a laid back sub and we can have a lot of fun together but they have to be respectful and no swearing. If not, I won't come back. They all said I was the best sub ever and they wanted me back so they would be good. Wow, that was easy!!!
So let me go back to my birthday. Worked all day and ate brownies with the kids. Rachel and I were planning to go to Applebees for dinner, but she wanted to take a friend so it wouldn't be so boring... so I spent my birthday dinner with 5 teenagers at Applebees! It was really fun. One of the kids asked the waitress to cut my food into little pieces because I was OLD now. Fun times. I had a blond moment when she brought me a little red sculptured balloon and I said, "ah, what a cute tomato." Everyone stared at me blankly then in unison said, "It is an Apple...Applebees..." So I felt my old age of 50 and wondered if my mind was going. I did receive flowers from a few people and that was wonderful. I love flowers.
There were also a few tough moments in the last few weeks. I have always said that my marriage contract said I did the inside of the house and Mike did the outside. It was kind of a joke between us. Well now I have to do the outside too. Most weeks from April to October, I have to mow the lawn twice a week. That is two acres of grass to mow with the sit down mower, then weed wack, then mow certain areas with the push mower. As you can imagine it takes me about 3-4 hours each time. Most of the time I don't mind it, but last week was awful. The grass had managed to grow 4-5 inches before I could cut it. It had rained whenever I had time to cut it so it just grew. When I finally had a chance to mow, it was still damp in some areas and very windy. I didn't finish until 8:30pm and the sit down mower kept jamming and sliding all over from damp grass. I was so mad. With the lawn mower being loud and no one living near us, I took this opportunity to scream, cry and complain about how mad I was that Mike would leave this for me to deal with. Sounds weird but I guess I temporarily lost it. It actually felt good to be upset for a brief time. At least there was a release of emotion. Marie called that night to complain about something and I snapped, "it is my turn to have a bad day, I don't want to hear about yours!" I don't normally get that way so I am sure it surprised her.
I also finally talked to someone about getting a headstone for Mike. It has almost taken me a year to do this. Crazy but I haven't wanted to deal with it.