Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Count Down to the One Year Mark

So like always I have been keeping myself busy, but then I have to deal with reality. I had a wonderful weekend in Redmond with all my kids. Jeffrey, Marie and baby Ethan flew in for my girlfriend's daughter's wedding. The bride also happens to be one of Jeffery's best buddies from high school. Rachel was a junior bridesmaid in the wedding at Mary Queen of Peace and it was beautiful. Rachel was beautiful too! I was able to see a lot of co-workers and friends.
Like always, spending time with my kids was a blast but ended too soon. After taking them to the airport Sunday, I had to go over to our old house to make sure things were ready for the sale and closing on Thursday. Rachel didn't want to go so I dropped her off at a friends. Somewhat of a bad move because I now had to go over there alone, again and for the last time.
As I finished up the things I had to do at the house, I finally sat on the steps and cried. Cried over all the wonderful memories of raising my kids in that house, cried that I had to let it go, and cried over how it all ended there. As I had walked through each room, a memory came to me. . . some good, some bad. The laughter of Rachel (4) and Jeffrey (10) racing to the bathroom and Rachel winning because she bit Jeffrey on the butt. The joy and excitement when we told Marie & Jeffrey we were having another baby. The fun times of teenagers sitting on the leather couch taking and laughing (the kids won't let me sell that couch!) The images of the kids waiting at the top of the stairs every Christmas until we said they could come down. The exciting themed birthday parties we use to have. How we could always find Mike asleep on a heater vent and even once in the garage under a car! So many memories after 18 years there. When Rachel's first hamster died Mike, Rachel and I all climb into our big king size bed and just held each other and cried. Mike always took it hard when an animal died. He was there alone when he had to deal with putting Marie's cat of 15 years down. He called Marie from the vet and let her talk to Katy and then stayed in the room while they put her to sleep. He was always tender with the animals even though he would complain about their hair and messes.
We have a fun series of pictures on the leather couch as the kids were growing up. In fact I have
lots of pictures. Almost 15 albums worth of pictures! It is still a little hard for me to look at the old family pictures but time will change that. I am trying not to count down to the one year mark, but it is hard. I would be lying if I said I was not looking back and reflecting on things and wondering a bit. I try not to stay there too long. I think what is hardest right now, is that I keep trying to imagine what was going through his head that last week a year ago. It is strange though, how I have never felt Mike's presence around, not even there at the old house.


Super Angie Waibel Miske said...

What a gorgeous girl Rachel is! Last time I saw her, well, she was still in primary I think!

I don't know what to say Grace. Your post is very emotional and I'm crying. I want you to know I love you, I pray for you and I think you are a wonderful and strong person.

Suzanne said...

I have a lot of memories in that house, too...babysitting, getting things ready for girls camp, walking or driving past it on my way through the neighborhood. Good memories. Love to you and the family around this one-year mark.