We put most of our decorations up before we left for Thanksgiving. Now we just need some lights up and things will be done. Oh and then there is all the Christmas cards to write. I love this time of year. I love the music, the lights, the spirit of giving, the cookies and the Christmas movies. I love to sit by the fireplace with all the normal lights out and just the Christmas ones glowing, sipping on a cup of peppermint hot cocoa. It is sad not to have someone to intimately share it with. The last several years Mike was too busy to stop and enjoy the season, but at least he was around. It is odd this year not having to discuss Christmas budgets, plans, gifts etc. In a way it is actually kind of nice, but there is still a big hole. Something missing. It is hard to imagine that at the end of December it will be six months since Mike's passing. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty for doing so well. I actually feel more like myself then I have for years. Happier and more at easy. I finally joined a gym and it feels good to work out and spend some time on bettering myself.
As I find myself alone listening to Christmas music, there is often a tear shed. A tear of loneliness, a tear for times past, a tear for things we didn't take time for when we could, and a tear for the uncertainty of the future. It is a lonely place to be, not knowing what lies ahead. So I surround myself with family and friends, enjoy the moment and try not to think to deeply.
I hope you all enjoy the season and appreciate everything and everyone you have. You never know when something or someone might be taken away.