Friday, September 30, 2011

Now, It Is Finally About Me...For the Most Part!

So I have been living alone for 2 months now for the first time in my life...ever! Again the question is constantly posed to me, "How are you doing?" I like to respond with, "Fine. Have you seen the movie, The Italian Job?" For those of you who haven't seen this movie, fine stands for F-freaked out, I-insecure, N-neurotic and E-emotional! Now having said that, aren't we all a bit 'fine?'  I will admit that I spent the last three years taking care of my kids first and now that I am alone, the first few weeks I broke down and cried more then normal.

After dropping off Rachel at school in Hawaii last July, it took one week of being home alone to go stir crazy! I packed the car and went to California. That was an amazing trip. I traveled where I wanted, when I wanted and saw people and places I wanted to see. This past summer I para-sailed, cave swam, zip lined, rode horses, inter-tubed behind a boat, hiked to a waterfall, road a 1,570 ft sky lift above the Redwoods, hiked to a sea lion cave and played in the Pacific Ocean off of Hawaii, Oregon, and California! I had some great times with special people and great times alone. I even did some grave hunting and found the 1943 grave of my half brother who died as an infant. It was unmarked so I am having a simple marker put on it. I doubt if anyone will ever see it but me, if I get back to Eureka, but it felt good to not leave him in an unmarked grave. It was a great summer.

I was home for a week and again ready to go stir crazy, but then school stated and I worked a little and life settled down. It is really quiet here, sometimes I lay awake all night wondering how to make myself fall asleep.  I do still have fun. It only takes 5 minutes to set up the huge wall screen, so alone I still watch movies.  In one day I can go from starting a new puzzle, to working on the computer, exercising, sitting on the new deck in the sun, reading a book, walking the dog, remembering I forgot to eat, working in the yard (yep, I really do), getting in the hot tub and even cleaning up things every now and then. Once in awhile, someone will talk me into helping out with something and I feel the love of this great small town.

Having said that, I do know what I want for my future. I know it is not something I will easily find here in this small community.  It took a good friend to point this out to me. The question was asked to me, "How many  dates have you gone on here? How easy is it to meet people your age here?" Both answers were not great! So after much thinking, I am going on a new adventure. I am renting out my house for 4 months and moving into a condo/apartment right in the heart of a big city. My older kids and grandson will be closer but not too close. Now I just need all the details to work out and come together!

When you are my age, there is no point in wasting time. I have said it a million times and I will say it again, people who say, "I will be happy when..." or people who are waiting for something but they don't know what, or people who are trying to get things in order first, are losing precious time. They will always be searching and will never find what they want.  It is now my time and if things aren't happening, I am ready to go out and make them happen.

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