Thursday, June 30, 2011

Three Years...

I was running around the house my happy normal self when I looked at the calendar and stopped in my tracks. It hit me that Mike died three years ago today. As a family, we are doing very well but dates like today still just creep up on you.
I recently had a conversation with my youngest who doesn't get real excited if I talk about dating or moving on, so I asked her why. She stated that she didn't ever want to see me get that hurt again. "Again?" I asked. "Do you think your dad hurt me?" We went on to have a nice talk and yes she was right, he did hurt me. It was the kind of hurt that no one should have to go through, but, we are all stronger and moving forward.
I am happy that my oldest is doing well and going back to college. I am proud that she is finding ways to stretch herself and learn. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and it is hard to watch her beat up herself sometimes. She is an amazing woman, wife and mother who has survived a lot. I pray someday she will recognize just how much the Lord really does love her. All her experiences will help her be more compassionate and understanding to others hardships.
As for my son, well since I last wrote he has graduated from college and married a fine young lady. We are all excited for them. They will both work at UofU while he applies to schools for his PhD. I am thankful that he was able to continue his education without financial setbacks. He is still the solid rock of this family. I often turn to him for advice and he is mature way beyond his years.
This was also an exciting year for my youngest. She started high school quiet and shy and finished as the Senior class president! She received numerous scholarships for her high GPA and the School Service Award for all her hard work. This past May she did her last high school show playing a Narrator for Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat.  She leaves on July 14th for college in Hawaii...LUCKY. Of course I am taking her to school... She had been my best friend these last years and I will miss her.
So the number #1 question our family is now asked, "What is Grace going to do home alone?" The answer, "I have no idea!"  I knew this day would come and it came really fast. I love my house but the yard work is hard to stay on top of. The community here has been wonderful to us. So for now I am taking one room at a time and de-cluttering it. If it hasn't been used in three years, throw it away. Heck if it hasn't been used in one year throw it away!
Biggest concern? I don't like living alone, but I don't want to rent out space in my house. I don't like not having someone to kill the spiders and scary away the spooks at night. I don't like eating alone, going to church alone or relying on others to fix things I can't do. I don't think I will crash after 3 years of taking care of everyone else, but I will be lonely. At least loneliness is something I can control somewhat.
I have the best kids anyone could ask for. They are all different and unique. They are mine and I love them and they have brought me so much joy. Thanks to everyone who has supported me and my family on this roller coaster of life. It isn't over, just constantly changing.

3 comments:

Super Angie Супер Энджи said...

love you

Marie said...

Love you mommy ^.^ XOXO

It kind of hit me too that it's been 3 years. I can't say I miss him considering the relationship we had, but every now and then this little pang of something hits me, like holding dad's old camera again.

Jan and Vic said...

We're so happy for you and your children and that you are all doing well. You deserve the best! Even though you had hard times before Mike's death, remember that he was admired in many ways by many people, including us. We know he is in a better place and will be very happy to be with all of you again some day.