I have had a lot of time alone the last few days and I am trying to figure out where I fit in and what I want to do with my life. I have one year left with Rachel at home and then what do I do? Here are some interesting things I have observed. They are just observations, not bad or good and I certainly don't mean any of this negatively.
Last week when we arrived back from Europe, we stayed the night in Redmond. I felt so at home. Going to church the next day after being gone for 3 Sundays was like going home. So many smiles and friends. I love just hanging out and talking to the Calvert's and Munk's and feel so at home there. Granted I always spend time with the teens more then the adults, but it just feels so comfortable.
My kids are all in Utah visiting each other. Max, a Germany foreign exchange student from 2009, is here at the house visiting his friends so I am not totally alone. But in the last 4 days the only time the phone rang was when Phil was calling to tell me how my mom was doing (she suffered a stroke last Sunday) or telemarketers begging for money I don't want to give them. I did go to lunch with my friend from Redmond who came over for the lavender festival, I also worked the parking lot fundraiser with the cheerleaders, and I walked around the festival for awhile with one of my favorite families. I also spent a lot of time home . . . alone. Now that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it made me think. What am I going to do after Rachel leaves? I don't like being in this big house alone and honestly, I don't have very many friends here that I can just drop in and bug like I did in Redmond! I went to church and sat alone today, one teenager came up and gave me a hug then no one really ever smiled or spoke to me unless I started the conversation or it had to do with the classes. I tried. I started several small conversations, but I just don't feel like I fit in around here. Of course I do with the teens when they are not all gone on vacation! So my question again is what am I going to do when Rachel leaves? I love my home but hate the yard. I like the weather here but not the seclusion from the city. There is really no opportunity to date or meet people around here. I am down 45 pounds but still look heavy so I doubt I stand out in the crowds of singles! HAHA!!! So let's say after Rachel leaves I can do anything or go anywhere I want. What do I want to do? I have no idea. I can't keep traveling and having people take care of the house and animals. I am not a bottomless pit of money! Although that sounds like the funnest thing to do! I would go to England, Danmark (that is how they spell it), Australia, South American Ruins, Panama Canal, Washington DC and Fuquay-Varina NC!!! Then maybe I could come back and teach history or geography and make it come to life. But if I did that I would never get the chance to date and plant roots so I feel more at home. I could just stay home and write a book which would save money so I could pay someone else to take care of the yard! It is amazing how we have are lives planed out then something happens to change it all and then we don't know what to do. I guess it is a good thing I have a year to figure it all out. Maybe I should spend that time making friends and feeling more at home where I am.