*WARNING NOTICE* and Just Surviving

WARNING NOTICE - I am actually working on my book that is based off my blog. I plan on including all comments. They will only have a first name attached to them and any private info that may have been in a comment post is being removed. IF YOU DO NOT WANT A COMMENT PRINTED OR YOUR FIRST NAME ON IT you have 30 days to contact me and let me know.

Having said that, working on a book is difficult.  It is making me revisit everything and that is hard. I have finished about 133 pages and am working on cleaning them up right now so the font and stuff is all uniform. It is a huge undertaking and I guess my next step is finding a proof reader (I am awful at spelling even with a spell checker!) and a publisher. Rachel said after the book tour (haha) we should travel more! I am hoping this book will actually sell. I would like to donate some of the proceeds, if there are any, to NAMI - National Alliance on Mental Illness or the Suicide Hot-lines/Prevention. I wrote an introduction about life leading up to the blog so it helps people to truly understand what our family has been through.

Now onto the "surviving" part in the title. We arrived home from our trip abroad and Rachel took off for another 3 weeks of visiting family and different camps. I have seen very little of her which means I have been alone a lot. That might not have been the smartest thing to do. It has been very lonely around here. I did have Max a German foreign exchange student living here for two weeks, but he was gone a lot of that time. I have found myself wasting a lot of time and accomplishing very little. There have been no tears, but I have been melancholy and just bla.

I am trying to deal with my aunt who is recuperating in a rehab center and now my mom had a stroke and is in one too.  I am Power of Attorney for both of them and the demands sometime are overwhelming. My aunt and mom need me to do a lot of financial paperwork for them and I don't want to deal with it sometimes. Believe it or not, to escape I have gone out and done yard work. Yes you heard me correctly, I have been willingly going out to do yard work. I pulled out 125 feet of wire fence and redid 5 tree planters. Not bad for someone who hates working outside.

I find I am not eating properly or at all sometimes. Right now it is like I don't mind being invisible and am fine not talking to people. On the other hand, I received a few calls lately and I really enjoyed the company of the callers. Spiritually my life is a wreck. I find myself playing loud music so I don't have to think. I hope I snap out of this soon because I am starting to miss the other me!