Tuesday, February 9, 2010

February The Month of Love. . .

I just worked out, showered, put make-up on and now I am writing on here? Makes no sense. The last thing in the world I want to do right on is start crying. I have decided the two hardest months for me are February and May not what most people would think. Most people would go with December because of Christmas and some other random month. I have all my family around me at Christmas so I do pretty good. The months that are hard are February because it is the month of love...it also happens to be the anniversary of our first date and Mike's proposal two years later. I make it through those days by just keeping busy but Valentines Day, bla. It was one of those hit and miss holidays for Mike depending on how he felt. He had a few good years but it passed by him unnoticed most years. Not that I want or expect anything, I just miss what it could be. The other hard month is May. I guess that is because it was our anniversary, my birthday, Mother's Day and the last time we spent time together before he died.
Some people may think that it is hard because someone in my situation is still trying to get over the loss suffered. I am alright with moving on. The past was alright and can hopefully the future can be better. One of my kids might have a little problem with letting me move on ;-) So far there is only one person she has allowed me to go out with...like she can really stop me anyway! For me maybe the hang up is feeling guilty because it seems so easy to move forward. I don't live in the past but the present is kind of boring. When you are not making new memories to replace the old ones what else are you supposed to think about. I think it is hard for children to realize you are not replacing their father, it is more like adding someone new in your life that could step in for them when needed. At least that is how I see it with my kids since they are much older. Anyway...

Rachel, her boyfriend, Healy & I (yes, I am taking a girlfriend because I can't find a date around here!) are going to the 5th Avenue to see "South Pacific" on the 13th as an early Valentine's. I am also taking them to dinner at Benihana's one of my favorite places since high school. So that will be nice. Not doing anything on V-day. Watching my grandson for a few days after it so Chris and Marie can spend some alone time together before he goes back to Iraq. If I can just stay out of the stores and all there sweetheart stuff, I will be fine. It doesn't make me miss Mike, it makes me miss love. That may sound weird but it is the love, passionate and simple that I have missed for years and years. At least my girls (who happen to dislike V-day the most) will be happy and with someone special. I guess I will be happy watching them be happy. As for everyone else, make everyday a special day and tell someone you love them. We just don't say those words enough.

4 comments:

Cindi Epona'Bri said...

I just found your blog and have spent some time reading some of your entries. I'm very sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my daughter almost 10 years ago and her birthday is Feb 13th, she would now be 25 years old. I also understand how hard depression can be. It runs in my family, both my husband and I use medication and my daughter was bi-polar. I wish you hope and love for the future.

Cindi
(A friend from Sequim)

GracieLou said...

Thank you Cindi and I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Trigger dates are hard to work through sometimes. Hopefully all the wonderful good times you had with your daughter can be remembered this weekend. Sending love your way,

Miss Melanie said...

Hey Grace! Here is a hug (()). I love ya! I also wanted to mention that in Woodinville (not close to where you are watching the show I guess) is a place called Tokyo and I think the show is better and the food is better (in our experience) and it's cheaper! Anyway, just wanted to give you a head's up! It isn't as fancy I guess, but it is still a similar set up.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Grace, I just found your posts this morning and I am just numb. I can't believe what you have endured, and I thank God you have your kids and many close friends to just be there for you. Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts, I do hope it provides therapeutic benefits to you. I know writing things down has helped me in the past. God Bless you Grace, you are a tower of strength, and I know you will find happiness in the years ahead. Keep the faith.

Janice Farris