Sometimes when things get too emotional for me, I can't get on here and write for awhile. I have to process my feelings so I can deal with them. The holidays were a roller coaster of emotions. It has been fun to have Jeffrey home from college and the kids all home together. We have a ton of fun together and they lift my spirits more then they know. Lots of late nights, games and piling into my bed. Rachel usually has the hardest time with holidays but this year a sweet young man made it the best ever. He came over Christmas Eve with a gift and asked her to be his girlfriend... (AWW, so sweet) When she open the rest of the gift the next day there was a card that said something like "one piece of paper is not enough to list all your wonderful qualities so I will just list the top 10!" He went on to list some of the sweetest things like how her smile brightens his day and how she is so kind to everyone. How could you not fall in like/love with a guy like that! My only comment was were are all the 50 year old guys like that!!! Anyway he was a great distraction for her from the sadness of the holidays.
I try to push through things for the kids so that it appears nothing is affecting me, but it does. The busier I stay the less time I have to think, but there are still a lot of times when I am alone with my thoughts and it is tough.
Having my dear dear friend lose her 24 year old son to suicide over the holidays was not easy but it isn't about me this time. She didn't even call me until the 26th because she didn't want to ruin my Christmas. Now it is my turn to be there for her. I knew I had to go to the funeral to support her. It was the first one I have gone to in the last year. I have chose not to go to others. It was hard but like I said it isn't about me this time. Having gone through what I have you would think I would know what to do or say but I didn't. Healy is so much like me. She is back at work today trying to move forward. She is very strong but yet has a very tender heart right now. My love goes out to her and her family.
One of these days I am going to write my book and figure out how to get out there as a motivation speaker mainly for the youth but to anyone who thinks life isn't worth living. Maybe if I helped one person it could help my healing move forward faster...