Rambling Thoughts

Well it has been an eventful week as always! I fell on Saturday, something I tend to do from time to time. When we bought the house here, Mike liked the fact that there were only two front steps. He was hoping it would lessen the falls. I think I fall just to live up to my name. . . anyway, within the first month here I fell going up the stairs and did a face plant on the front porch in front of Mike. We both just laughed. Only two steps and I still fall over them. So Saturday when I fell down the the two steps in the garage, I just sat there and laughed. Then I realized this fall really hurt. It has been three days and the doctors office still hasn't called me back after the x-rays on my foot. Time for a new doctor! I don't really have a doctor here yet; I just go to the walk in clinic. That is my first mistake!
I just called them for the second time and had to leave a message of course. Oh well good thing I have a high tolerance to pain.
Prayers have been paying off. We found a place for the kids in Utah. That is a burden off my shoulders. Now lets pray that the sale of the farm in Warden goes smoothly and that someone will buy the house in Redmond. I just want to consolidate. Mike could deal with accounts all over and different properties. It is too much for me. I am trying to make it easier for my non financial brain!
I am kind of rambling today because my mind is scattered. I have been trying to finish thank-yous and put away all the stuff from the funeral. It is not that it should take this long, but if you have ever been through this it is hard and sometimes painful. I was looking on line at old e-mails between Mike and I last night. Some where fun and others were hard to read. When he took himself off his medication last December, he thought he felt better but he got agitated easily. That wasn't normal for Mike and it was one of the things that tipped me off to know something was wrong. He wrote a few mean e-mails to me at that time which was really out of character for him. I now understand why and I'm not bitter; I just can't get myself to delete them. Maybe it is because it makes me feel hurt again and feeling hurts is better then feeling nothing. Maybe it helps me to feel justified when I was upset with him so that I don't think it was my fault for his pain and given up hope. The mind is an amazing thing. We allow it do so much to heal and so much to hurt ourselves. Anyway, I am rambling. it is my way of getting out of doing what I have to. Pay bills and write thank-you notes.
By the way, my sister-in-law gave me a book she compiled with all of the messages our friends wrote about Mike. It was really nice to read. It reminded me of the good man he was and how much he did for others. I wish more people could be like Mike, well at least the Mike without depression. That Mike was fun to be with.