What Legacy Are You Leaving For Your Posterity?

It's Pioneer Day in Utah. I can't help but think about my amazing ancestry and the sacrifices they made for me to be who I am and where I am.  I am thankful for my ancestors who fought for freedom in the Revolutionary & Civil War. I am thankful for strong women who came to this country, with children in tow, to start over. I am thankful to my pioneer ancestors who left the comforts of back east and other countries, to come out to Utah, California and Washington. I have an amazing heritage of strong, hard working, honest, people who have shaped my life. I am who I am because of them. I love reading their stories and learning about the life's they led. I find myself very blessed to be a part of my heritage.

So what can I do with this heritage now? How can I make a difference in the world because of who I am and who they where?

I guess the best start is to learn more about them. Go visit the places they passed through. I had the opportunity to go to Danmark this year where my Christophersen heritage is from. On the dock in Kopenhagen, there is a statue of a young girl who was leaving her homeland to head to America for religious purposes. The cobble stone along the dock has the names of other countrymen who left for the same reason. The name of my great great grandmother is there somewhere. I even have a history of their voyage and her strength. She moved with 4 small children and against all odds.

There is also my Willis line that moved west in the great migration because they were driven from their homes in the dead of winter by people who just didn't understand them. The stories of what they went through and the opposition they faced is moving. They had to farm land that wasn't irrigated, bury family members in shallow graves alone the trail, and endure invasions from Indians and Mexico.  In some ways, our lives are very easy.

I can't even imagine packing up 9 kids and all your belongings into a car and moving from New Hampshire to Washington State like my great grandparents did in 1905. Leaving a married daughter behind knowing that changes were they would never see her again. There is also the Firebaugh side of the family that left the Shenandoah Valley to move to California and start the first ferry across the San Joaquin River. And also the confusing and murderous controversy of the San Francisco Embarcadero that my family has claimed to have once owned.

To learn about my ancestry is exciting and intriguing. They have shaped who I am. Now it is my turn to make a mark in the world. What will I be remembered for? What stories will I write and leave behind? Or will I be forgotten in time? I love watch "Who Do You Think You Are?" and "The Story Trek." Both shows tell what impacts people can have on us and that we all have a story.

I hope I will be remembered for my smile, my integrity and my honesty. My ability to move forward as they did when all looked dark and lost. I hope I am being generous and kind to those I deal with and that I am seeing them as the wonderful people they are. When we look at people or other countries we tend to look for what is wrong. I hope I can be remembered for looking at what is right.

ACTING: Appearing Normal When Messed Up

Sometimes, when I haven't written for awhile, it is not because things are going good, but just the opposite. I have mentioned before that it takes me awhile to process things. I am also realizing that although I speak freely on my blog, some of the things that trouble me the most right now I can't talk about because they involve people who read it. Kind of a catch 22 if you ask me.
Honesty is very important to me. My kids understand this. I believe they know that I would rather they tell me the truth, even if I don't like it, then tell me blatant lies that someday may revel themselves. Having said that I also know that none of us are perfect and misrepresenting the truth is easy to do. To be honest with you, my kids have hardly ever out right lied to me, in fact I can't remember if they ever have. I am thankful for that. Other people have. Other people have really misrepresent truth and even, in my opinion, blatantly lied to me. That is a hard one for me to deal with and forgive.

 My car left me stranded 60 miles from home 10 days ago and has been in the shop ever since. Rachel's schedule is crazy so borrowing her car can be tricky when she has to leave at 6:45am and I don't have to be to work until 7:30am. Driving the 64 Chevy is a real pain and also unreliable. Don't know when or if I will get my car fixed, money to get a new car if needed is tied up in a lost cause and  honestly my brain is too frustrated to think about it.

I have learned since Mike's passing that I don't like being the decision maker. I don't like that the buck has to stop with me. I don't like that people take advantage of you in a time of loss and confusion. Although I seem to have my act together, inside I am often confused and unable to think straight. That is how I am feeling right now. I can express it in type for the world to read, but in reality I have no one I can to talk to.